Couples Therapy
by HarryandHermionesLoveChild
Summary: Edward and Bella Cullen are experiencing difficulties in their marriage. Carlisle and Esme suggest they attend marriage counselling in order for them to work through their problems. Or is it already too late? AH. Lemons and limes included!
1. Prologue

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

Couples Therapy

Prologue

****

**Bella's Point of View.**

This was going to make or break us. I couldn't see there being any more opportunities after this one to get us back to how we use to be.

It was Carlisle and Esme's idea. Things hadn't been right between Edward and I for a while now, and they thought that if we talked to someone who was completely neutral, we may have a good chance of saving our marriage. We both agreed to give counselling a shot, which gave me at least some hope of getting _us_ back.

This is where I currently find myself, sitting in a shrink's waiting room with my husband Edward, who I couldn't feel anymore further away from both emotionally and physically. I glanced at the chair in between us, but immediately noticed his leg twitching up and down from the chair that was next to the one separating us. It was a sign of impatience on his behalf and it annoyed the hell out of me. But to be fair, everything he did lately annoyed the hell out of me. I tried biting my lip to stop myself from berating him; it worked for a mere few seconds.

"Could you not... do that please?" I asked trying not to sound too harsh. By the look on Edward's face I failed at that too.

His leg stilled as his eyes met mine; completely void of the love and care I used to find in them before we fell spectacularly apart. He looked at me in disbelief and was about to open his mouth to say something, when a door to my left opened and caught both our attention.

"Mr and Mrs Cullen?" a lady who looked to be in her early forties enquired with a smile.

"Yes," I confirmed standing up.

"Please," she gestured towards her office.

I walked in and took a seat at an end of the long chesterfield sofa that was inside. Edward followed and sat at the opposite end, it was as if we couldn't get far enough away from each other. Our therapist sat down in front of us and picked up a pen and paper.

"Well, first things first, I'm Karen Morgan," she introduced herself. "And you are Edward and Isabella Cullen?"

"Just Bella."

"Ok," Karen smiled. "And you've been married for?"

"Four years," Edward replied.

"Four years and three months," I corrected. I felt Edward look over at me temporarily, my comment clearly pissing him off.

Karen looked between the two of us immediately picking up on the tension. "How old are you both?"

Edward and I glanced at each other quickly before answering. "Twenty five," we replied in unison.

"Married young then?"

"Too young," I said quietly.

"No one forced you to say yes," Edward mumbled.

"What did you say?" I asked irritated.

"Guys," Karen held up a hand. "We have plenty of time for that later. Right now I just want to go over the formalities."

"Sorry," I apologised.

"Sorry," Edward managed to get out.

Karen put her pen and paper aside and smiled at us. She then gave us the same look that people gave you when they pitied you. "This isn't going to be easy. But, the fact that you've come to me shows that you're both willing to admit that you're having trouble communicating with each other, and that you have problems that want you to work through. You should know that these sessions can be very stressful at times, painful even, but the main thing is that you two find a way to be honest with one another. It's the only way to have a chance of fixing this."

The problem was I didn't know if we could be fixed.

"Ok, so you got married when you were twenty, did you know each other long before or was it a whirlwind romance as they say?" she asked.

"We only knew each other for three years before we got married," I told her.

"But we were together all that time, give or take a few weeks," Edward added.

"How did the two of you meet?" Karen asked.

"We met in junior year of high school. I was the new girl when I moved to Forks. We saw each other but never actually...spoke. At first I thought he hated me for whatever reason, but I remember the first time he talked to me," I answered, and was suddenly sent back to the day in biology when we first spoke to each other.

_Forks High School Flashback._

_Class didn't start for a few minutes, and the room buzzed with conversation. I kept my eyes away from the door, doodling idly on the cover of my notebook. I heard very clearly when the chair next to me moved, but my eyes stayed carefully focused on the pattern I was drawing._

_"Hello," said a quiet, musical voice._

_I looked up, stunned that he was speaking to me. _

_"My name is Edward Cullen," he continued. "I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."_

_"H-how do you know my name?" I stammered._

_He laughed a soft, enchanting laugh. "Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive."_

_I grimaced. I knew it was something like that. "No," I persisted stupidly. "I meant, why did you call me Bella?"_

_He seemed confused. "Do you prefer Isabella?"_

_"No, I like Bella," I said. "But I think Charlie — I mean my dad — must call me Isabella behind my back — that's what everyone here seems to know me as," I tried to explain, feeling like an utter moron._

_"Oh." He let it drop. I looked away awkwardly._

_Thankfully, Mr. Banner started class at that moment. "Get started," he commanded._

_"Ladies first?" Edward asked. I looked up to see him smiling a crooked smile so beautiful that I could only stare at him like an idiot._

_I snapped the first slide into place under the microscope and adjusted it quickly to the 40X objective. I studied the slide briefly. My assessment was confident. "Prophase."_

_"Do you mind if I look?" he asked as I began to remove the slide. _

_"Prophase," he agreed, writing it neatly in the first space on our worksheet. He swiftly switched out the first slide for the second, and then glanced at it cursorily. "Anaphase," he murmured, writing it down as he spoke._

_I kept my voice indifferent. "Mind if I check?"_

_He smirked and pushed the microscope to me. I looked through the eyepiece eagerly, only to be disappointed. Dang it, he was right. "Anaphase."_

_"Slide three?" I held out my hand without looking at him. "Interphase." I passed him the microscope before he could ask for it. He took a swift peek, and then wrote it down. We were finished before anyone else was close, which left me with nothing to do but try to not look at him… unsuccessfully. I glanced up and he was staring at me, that same inexplicable look of frustration in his eyes._

_"It's too bad about the snow, isn't it?" Edward asked. I had the feeling that he was forcing himself to make small talk with me._

_"Not really," I answered honestly, instead of pretending to be normal like everyone else._

_"You don't like the cold." It wasn't a question._

_"Or the wet."_

_"Forks must be a difficult place for you to live," he mused._

_"You have no idea," I muttered darkly._

_"Why did you come here, then?"_

_"It's… complicated."_

_"I think I can keep up," he pressed._

_I paused for a long moment, and then made the mistake of meeting his gaze. His dark gold eyes confused me, and I answered without thinking. "My mother got remarried," I said._

_"That doesn't sound so complex," he disagreed, but he was suddenly sympathetic. "When did that happen?"_

_"Last September." My voice sounded sad, even to me._

_"And you don't like the guy," Edward surmised, his tone still kind._

_"No, Phil is fine. Too young maybe, but nice enough."_

_"Why didn't you stay with them?"_

_"Phil travels a lot. He plays ball for a living. She stayed with me at first, but she missed him. It made her unhappy… so I decided it was time to spend some quality time with my dad."_

_"But now you're unhappy," he pointed out._

_"And?" I challenged._

_"That doesn't seem fair." He shrugged, but his eyes were still intense._

_"Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair."_

_"I believe I __have __heard that somewhere before," he agreed dryly._

_"So that's all," I insisted, wondering why he was still staring at me that way._

_His gaze became appraising. "You put on a good show," he said slowly. "But I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see."_

_I grimaced at him, resisting the impulse to stick out my tongue like a five-year-old, and looked away._

_"'I'm sorry I'm just trying to figure you out, I find you very difficult to read," Despite everything that I'd said and he'd guessed, he sounded like he meant it._

_"You must be a good reader then," I replied._

_"Usually." He smiled widely, flashing a set of perfect, ultra white teeth._

_When the bell finally rang, Edward rushed as swiftly and as gracefully from the room as he had the last time. And, like last time, I stared after him in amazement._

Present

I remembered that day as if it was yesterday. How my heart thudded against my chest with anticipation and excitement when he finally spoke to me. From that day on my life seemed so easy. As long as I was with him I felt as though I could do anything.

"And after that day...I knew that my life would never be the same," I said truthfully.

We fell in love, got married and looked forward to living happily ever after.

Everything was perfect. Then life got in the way.


	2. Session One

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

Couples Therapy

Session One

****

**Bella's Point of View.**

"When did things start to change for the two of you do you think?" Karen asked me.

"I-I-don't really know," I answered honestly. "I mean I know that things change in life, probably more so at our age than at any other age. I just didn't think that it would all change so...fast. I thought that we were happy, that we were good at being married." I was about to say more when a quiet voice beat me to it.

"We are good at being married," Edward said looking at me.

"I never thought that things could get so bad between us," I said sadly, ignoring Edwards comment. How could he honestly say that? "I know that no marriage is perfect, that all couples fight. I just never thought I would ever believe us to be bad for each other."

"Why do you think that you're bad for each other?" Karen asked me.

"We're certainly not making each other happy anymore," I told her. "It's like we're strangers."

"Do you feel you spend enough time together?" Karen questioned.

I snorted. "We don't spend _any_ time together."

"Demanding career's?" Karen asked.

I looked over at Edward expectantly and immediately noticed him become agitated.

"I'm studying to become an architect," Edward finally spoke. "It takes up a lot of my time."

"It takes up _all_ your time," I corrected.

He glared at me, as I began telling Karen about one of the many arguments we had over his time at the office.

_**Flashback**_

_As soon as we left college, Edward threw himself into the internship that he was given by a prestigious architect company. I was so proud of him, he had worked so hard for the opportunity and I couldn't be happier for him. I knew that it meant more hard work and long hours, which at the time I thought we would be able to handle, only I didn't realise just how bad it was beginning to affect us. _

_The first few weeks had been fine. I thought the long hours were purely down to him being the new guy and wanting to impress the guys at the top, which was completely understandable. I also knew that he would be tired all the time and that we would rarely get time together for at least a little while. But, when what I thought would be days of long hours became weeks, and then weeks became months, I noticed a strain on our marriage. _

_I even tried to talk to him about it. It was really late one night when I decided to bring up the problem, not being able to ignore it any longer, no matter how tired he was. I was in bed. Alone. Again. It was 11.40pm when I heard him come through the front door, and climb the stairs to our bedroom. It sounded as if he was deliberately trying to be quiet, probably not wanting to disturb me if I was asleep, which I usually was when he got home these days. _

_When he entered the bedroom, he was clearly surprised to see that I was still wide awake and sitting up in bed. "Hey," he yawned, before coming over to kiss me. His lips had barely touched mine when he pulled back. "What are you still doing up so late?"_

"_Waiting for you."_

_Edward started tugging at his tie. "What's wrong?"_

"_This sounds like a really stupid thing for a wife to have to say to her husband," I said shaking my head. "But, I miss you."_

_Edward stopped loosening his tie and came to sit on the bed next to me. "Bella, this isn't easy on me either."_

"_Really?" I asked him sceptically. "Because it doesn't seem to be affecting you as much as it's affecting me."_

_Edward frowned, my comment obviously hurting him. "How can you say that to me? You know it crucifies me whenever we're apart."_

_I looked down unconvinced. "You must just be handling the situation better than me."_

"_What situation?" he asked as if it was no big deal._

"_Us being apart all the time."_

_Edward sighed. "I know it's hard, Bella. But you must know that all this, the long hours, the time apart...I'm doing it for us. It will all be worth it in the end, you'll see."_

"_You really believe that?"_

_He cupped my cheek and gazed lovingly in my eyes. "Do you really think I'd be sacrificing time with you for anything else?"_

_I didn't know what to think. So, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that things could only get better for us. But when weeks later things remained the same, worsened even, I had to face up to the terrifying truth. Edward and I were beginning to slowly grow apart._

**Present**

I looked over at Edward and held up my hand, using my fingers to help accentuate the point I wanted to make. "You wake up and sometimes eat. You go to work all day and come home late. You sleep, and the next day when the alarm goes off, the whole thing repeats itself! I can't remember the last time we fell asleep, or woke up together."

"Bella," Edward sighed. "I told you that I was doing it for--"

"Edward, please!" I interrupted him flatly. "Stop with the monumental bullshit! You're not doing this for us; you're doing it for you! I have my own career remember?"

"What is it that you do?" Karen asked, no doubt trying to lighten the situation.

I looked down and started playing with my nails. "I'm a freelance writer."

"Would I have read any of your work?" Karen smiled at me.

"I don't think so," I said quietly. "My only job is to fill in for _real_ writers when they get the flu or something."

"She's being modest," a flat voice from my side said. "Her work is great."

I snorted and shook my head. "How would you know? Like you ever take any interest in what I do."

Edward threw up his hands in defeat. "And she has to wonder why I choose never want to come home at night!"

I stared at him in shock. Had he really just admitted to staying away from home on purpose? "What?"

"Forget it," he muttered, clearly wishing he had kept his mouth shut.

My mouth bobbed up down. "Y-y-you didn't always have to be at work so late?"

Edward closed his eyes for a moment. "No."

My heart started to beat so fast I thought it would literally come out of my chest. He purposely stayed away...because of me. My breathing was beginning to increase rapidly, and all of a sudden I felt claustrophobic.

"Bella?" Karen looked at me with concern. "Are you alright?"

I shook my head signalling 'no', then turned to Edward and stared at him like I'd never seen him before. The bastard even had the cheek to look at me with concern in his eyes. Only now did I realise that this was the first time in months, where he looked like he actually cared about how I was currently feeling. Too bad it came at the same time as his awful admission. "There isn't a word in our vocabulary that could describe how wrong this is."

"How wrong what is?" Edward croaked.

"This," I gestured between the two of us. I grabbed my bag, stood up slowly and headed for the door, all the while feeling his eyes watching my every move. When I reached the door I stopped and turned to Karen. "I'm really sorry. I just can't do this today."

I was relieved when she smiled and nodded her head in understanding. "Whenever you're ready, Bella. Remember what I told you, it's not going to be easy."

I was about to leave when Edward stood up and approached me. "We came together in the car. Please, let me you take you home," he pleaded gently.

I couldn't meet his eyes. I had to get away from him before my heart betrayed my head. "I can't. I can't...be near you right now. I'd rather be alone." He looked down and nodded slowly. "Besides, I've gotten quite use to it."

He looked up sharply and finally caught my eyes; my comment had had the desired affect and hit him where it hurt. He didn't say anything; there was really nothing he could say. I _was_ alone, and it had been so long since I had felt wanted that being alone had suddenly become normal for me.

I left the room, closing the door on Edward, and then walked out of the building into the fresh air. I started walking down the street aimlessly when I had a thought. _I wonder what Jake's up to today. I hadn't seen my friend in a while. It was Saturday so maybe he wanted to hang out. _

With that in mind I made my way to his house.

****

_Thanks to: __**vampiregurl**__, __**flock6**__ and __**gilmoregeek13**__,__ for giving me my first Twilight fic reviews. Please continue to enjoy it._


	3. A day with a friend

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

_**Thanks for the reviews and I hope you enjoy the next chapter. **_

_**Please bear in mind when reading this story that things aren't what they seem. I can't really say much more without spoiling the plot, although it's not really that complicated.**_

Couples Therapy

A Day with a friend

****

**Bella's Point of View.**

When I arrived at Jake's, I was happy to see that some things never changed. His family had moved from Forks two years ago, but he couldn't bear to leave and convinced his father to let him lease the land. He built another garage and opened up his own mechanic business. When he wasn't fixing cars for other people, he fixed up bangers and sold them for a profit. He was doing quite well for himself.

I walked into the garage that I heard music coming from, and saw him lying under a car. He hadn't noticed or heard me come in.

I nudged his foot with mine and he quickly slid from underneath the car. "Hi stranger," I said grinning.

He smiled widely at me and got to his feet. "Bella, long time no see."

"Yeah...I know. I thought I'd drop in and see how you're doing," I tried to explain my presence. "If you're busy I could go and..."

"No," he interrupted quickly. He looked down at his oil stained overalls and grinned at me. "I don't have to be working, it's Saturday and I'm never too busy to see you, you know that."

I blushed and nodded. "Cool."

"Look, why don't we go into the house?" he suggested. "I can get cleaned up and then you can fill me in with what's been going on with you."

We went into the house and Jake immediately went to get cleaned up. I sat at the dinning room table and looked around. Nothing really had changed about the place. When his family moved they didn't really take much with them, his father had been good enough to leave him with all the household appliances and furniture stating that a new home for him, meant new stuff too.

Jake later entered the room having washed and put on clean clothes. "Wanna beer?"

I didn't drink all that much, purely because I was usually the appointed driver. Edward had driven us to the session today so I didn't have my car with me. I'd just get a cab home when I was ready, which wouldn't be anytime soon. I couldn't be anywhere near my husband right now. "Sure, why not."

Jake went over to the fridge and came back with two bottles of beer. He sat down at the table opposite me and twisted the tops off of them. He put one in front of me, swigged his, and then leant back in his chair. "So, how are you?"

"I'm good," I lied.

He just nodded and smirked, clearly aware that I was lying my ass off. "How's married life?"

I scoffed then rolled my eyes. "Good one."

He laughed. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you seem real sincere."

"Things aren't getting any better huh?" he asked more sympathetic.

"No," I said shaking my head. "Therapy was particularly illuminating today, especially when Edward came out and actually admitted that he works long hours in order to stay away from me."

"He actually said that?" Jake asked in slight shock.

"Yes."

"See," Jake leant forward and smiled. "I told you, you would have been better off marrying me."

Jake...please," I said picking at the label on the bottle.

Jake had crushed on me ever since we were younger. It didn't bother me or anything; to be honest I found it quite flattering. He was relentless at times when trying to convince me that I should have given him a chance to make me happy, not Edward. His remarks never bothered me, but there was a time and place for everything, and now when my marriage was going down the crapper wasn't one of them times.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he apologised embarrassed. "I just hate seeing you so unhappy."

"Its fine," I shrugged it off. "I just really need my friend right now. I know that's rude seeing as how I haven't seen you in a couple months."

"I'm right here," Jake assured. "Just like I always have been and just like I always will be. Now talk."

I didn't really know where to start. So I started with my insecurity. "What's wrong with me?"

Jake frowned at the absurdity of my question. "Bella..."

"No really, I mean I must have done something, right? I mean why else would he be...doing whatever it takes to stay away from me."

"Bella, none of this is your fault," he told me supportively.

I know that's his heart talking to me, not his brain.

"I've always been supportive of him! I've not once stopped him from doing anything that he's wanted to do. I just don't get it."

"Everyone knows that, Bella."

And that's what the most frustrating thing about all this was. There had to be some kind of explanation as to why we fell apart the way we did, and I had no idea what it was. I had my own suspicions as to why he didn't seem to want me anymore. But, I never had the guts to ask him about it for fear of him confirming them and leaving me.

"I have always been honest with him about everything!" Jake raised his eyebrows as if to remind me that that wasn't categorically true. "Ok so, I have always been honest with him about everything...eventually."

Damn Jake for reminding me of that. 'It' had happened a year ago and I'd become very good at blocking the memory from my brain. I'd once considered it to be the possible reason for our marriage becoming slightly rocky, but when I had told Edward...eventually what had happened, he wasn't the best pleased but accepted that it wasn't my fault. The only thing that severely pissed him off is that I didn't tell him about it sooner. But, if it was a major problem for him he would have never let it go so it couldn't have been that.

'It' had happened a year ago, but I didn't tell Edward about it until three months afterwards.

_**Flashback - 9 Months ago**_

_I was sat on the couch in our living room waiting for my husband to arrive home from work. It was nearing 10.00pm. It was the latest he'd yet to come home, beating the previous time of 8.15pm. Edwards's long shifts had gotten longer recently which was a shame. Things had started to get better for us lately and we'd spent more time together up until a few months ago, when he was put on some big project at work. Just when I though our marriage was getting better, it began going downhill again as we struggled to find the time for each other. Or should I say, as he struggled to find the time for me._

_What I needed to tell him when he got home, was going to make things more strained I was sure. Some people may have thought it wasn't really worth mentioning, but one of the things I loved most about mine and Edwards's relationship is that we had always been truthful with each other. I didn't want that to stop now, no matter how trivial what had happened was. _

_The guilt had been consuming me for about three months, though, the only thing I did wrong was keep it from him for so long. The only excuse I had is that I didn't want to spoil what very little time we had together arguing about something so stupid. I can only hope that he doesn't see my keeping it from him as an admission of something more. _

_The short version goes like this._

_I am madly in love with my husband, Edward._

_I love, as a friend, my best buddy Jacob Black._

_Edward and Jake hate each other with a passion, but are civil and polite when together out of their respect for me. _

_Three months ago Jake kissed me at a party when he was feeling a bit too confident and I punched him in the face. Hard. He apologised later for making a complete ass out of himself. I accepted._

_The End._

_I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard Edward come through the door; I stood up and walked out into the hall. I saw him drop his bag and blueprint folder to the floor, and hang his jacket on a nearby hook. _

"_Hi," I alerted him to my presence. _

_He slowly walked over to me and stopped. "Hi."_

"_You're Edward, right?" I asked sarcastically, trying to make a joke of the fact that we were almost like strangers lately._

_He leaned in close to my face. "Right," he replied just as sardonic, before heading off towards the kitchen._

_I followed him and watched him sluggishly pull a beer out of the fridge. He looked exhausted. _

"_Wow Edward, that was almost a kiss," I said referring to what happened in the hall._

"_Almost," he replied bitingly, not once looking at me as he searched the cupboards for something to eat._

_Why I was trying my best to piss him off I don't know. Especially before what I was about to tell him. I was personally pissed off because he didn't seem to be missing me as much as I missed him. If he did, he wasn't making any effort to show it._

"_I made you dinner if you want it," I told him being friendlier. "It's in the microwave."_

_He stopped his movements around the cupboards and glanced at me. "Thank you."_

_I watched as he opened the microwave to see what was inside, and then set the timer to 3.00 minutes. I decided to let him eat is dinner in peace, before I told him about what Jake did at the party we went to three months ago. I left the kitchen and went back into the living room._

_Twenty minutes later and Edward walked into the living room with another bottle of beer in his hand. _

"_Thanks for dinner it was beautiful," he said tonelessly without even looking at me, before heading for the stairs. "I'm going to bed I'm tired."_

"_Edward," I stood up quickly. _

"_What?" he asked whilst stopping and turning around._

_I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out._

_Edward rolled his eyes. "Some time tonight would be preferable."_

_Being cruel. That's new. "I need to talk to you about something."_

"_Well I'm sure it can wait till tomorrow," he said snottily, then headed back towards the stairs. _

_Fuck you._

"_Jake kissed me," I said flatly. There, it was out._

_He had only got a foot on the first step of the stairs, when I noticed him freeze on the spot and go totally rigid._

_There was silence for what seemed like minutes before he spoke. He didn't turn around but just kept his back to me. _

"_When was this?" he asked so quietly that I almost didn't hear him._

"_A few months ago," I told him. "At Charlie's birthday party." _

_I watched him as he took a few deep breaths, take his foot off the stairs and slowly turn around. He didn't blink as he stared into my eyes, his grip on the bottle of beer he was holding getting tighter. It looked as though it could shatter in his hand at any second._

_Before he could ask anything else I started to speak. "I'm sorry that it happened...but it did and I wanted to tell you about it. And before you go crazy, the most important thing for you to know... is that I didn't initiate it and I certainly didn't give him any reason for him to think that I wanted it."_

_He still hadn't blinked. "Did you respond?"_

"_What?"_

"_I asked 'did you respond'?"_

"_I-I-pushed him away...and then I punched him in the face."_

_I could've sworn a teeny tiny smirk tried to edge inside his features, but it was gone just as quick as it appeared._

"_I meant did you kiss him back?" he asked in a deadly voice._

"_What?! N-n-no...I- I didn't." He didn't seem convinced and neither was I to be honest. "I don't know."_

"_What does that mean?" he asked hotly._

"_It means that...I was shocked at first ok? It had been so long since you'd showed any real affection towards me and I just...I was upset and he was comforting me," I told him honestly. "I didn't respond but I admit that it took me a few seconds to push him away."_

_Edward's face immediately tensed up, his nostrils beginning to flare. But before I had chance to say anymore, he threw the bottle of beer that he'd had in a vice like grip, forcefully against the nearest wall._

_I jumped as the bottle hit the wall and shattered into pieces, the beer spilling all over our laminate flooring. I met his cold stare and noticed him breathing heavily. _

"_Thanks for understanding," I said quietly in a sarcastic manner. I looked away before walking straight past him, and up the stairs to our bedroom. _

_It was when I was in our en suite bathroom, half an hour later having just taken a quick shower that I heard him come into our bedroom. I was in my robe applying moisturiser up and down my arms, as you do, when I saw him come lean against the doorway that separated our bedroom and bathroom._

_I couldn't look at him for long. What happened downstairs, even though it was kind of the reaction I was expecting, had hurt me more than I thought._

"_You talk to him about us?" he asked calmly. It was more of a statement than a question._

_I still didn't look at him. "It's not like I have you to talk to about us."_

_No nasty reaction. Weird._

"_And that kiss...it was the only time?" he asked softly. "You're not like...having an affair?"_

_Is that really what he thought? Because of a stupid kiss that lasted five seconds. _

_I looked into his eyes and saw that that was exactly what he thought. I put a hand to my head. This was crazy. "Edward...I am not having an affair. And I'm very sorry if I've done anything to make you think that I could."_

_Edward pushed himself off of the door frame and started pacing slowly in the bedroom. "Why did you wait this long to tell me what happened?"_

"_Because nothing really did happen," I said honestly. "The only reason I'm telling you now is because we've never kept things from each other and I don't want that to change. That and our relationship is particularly fragile at the moment and I didn't want to make things even worse between us than they already are."_

_I watched him slump down on the bed and put his head in his hands. _

"_Edward?" I walked over and sat next to him. "I can't help but feel as though I'm loosing you." He raised his head and looked at me with sad eyes. "Like I'm loosing us."_

_He breathed deeply. "I feel as though I've already lost us. That I've already lost you."_

_My heart was breaking for him at how vulnerable he appeared. Finally we were talking. This is what we needed, no matter how much it could hurt both of us. Honesty. _

"_Edward," I raised my hand to stroke back his hair, and then let it rest on his cheek. "I love you."_

_He closed his eyes tightly for a moment as if he was in pain, before opening them again and gazing into mine. "I'll make this better." He reached up and covered my hand that was on his face with his. "I swear I will make this better."_

_He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly to him. I missed the look of pure guilt that plastered itself onto his face._

_He had given me hope that things would change, which they did for a few weeks to be fair, he started coming home earlier which meant more time together. They even improved enough for me to mention our problems in the bedroom. But it wasn't long before he started to pull a way again, which in turn made me pull away also. _

_What the fuck was happening to us?_

****

"That was it?" Jake asked shocked. "I thought he'd smash more than a bottle. My face for a start."

"I just don't know what to do anymore, Jake."

"The therapy seems to have gotten you guys talking at least, Bella," he said to me.

"Yeah, I guess," I shrugged. "Although sometimes I wonder if it's worth it."

"How so?"

"Sometimes I just think that we're that far gone that there's no way back. Like the only thing therapy is going to achieve is an explanation for why things got so shitty in the first place."

"Right."

The next thing to come out of my mouth was going to break my heart.

"You know," I swallowed hard. "I'm thinking of leaving him."

Before Jake could say anything my cell started ringing. I reached into my bag and looked at who was calling.

Edward.

I pressed the cancel key.

****


	4. One Last Chance

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

Couples Therapy

One Last Chance?

****

**Edward's Point of View.**

I heard it ring for a mere few seconds before being disconnected. She'd obviously seen it was me calling and thought 'fuck that' before cancelling the call.

I couldn't blame her but it pissed me off. I slammed my phone down onto the counter in Carlisle and Esme's kitchen. "Fuck!"

"No joy huh?" Emmett asked. He and Rosalie just happened to be there when I decided to drop in on the folks.

"She hung up on me."

Rosalie put a cup of coffee near me. "No more than you deserve, you stupid fucking idiot," she pointed out calmly.

I bit my lip. "Rosalie, I know I've fucked up my marriage I don't need you to keep reminding me."

"Yeah babe," Emmett smiled. "Give the guy a break."

"I'd love to give him a break," she snarled. "His arm would do nicely."

I rolled my eyes. "Thank sis, really."

"Don't expect me to feel sorry for you, Edward" Rosalie said. "You deserve everything you get after the way you've treated her lately. If I were Bella, you'd still be trying to pull a hairdryer out of your ass."

Wow, she certainly had a way with words that was for sure. I was about to retort when I heard Esme's voice.

"Rosalie," Esme walked into the kitchen followed by Carlisle. "Thank you for that, your descriptive means of punishment." Emmett swung an arm around his girlfriend, clearly proud of her. Bastard. Esme looked at the both of them. "Would you excuse us, please? Your father and I would like to talk to Edward alone."

Oh fuck.

Rosalie smirked at me. Bitch. I know I deserved everything I got lately but she was making things just that little bit harder.

"Sure," she replied taking Emmett's hand. "Later Edward," she said in a fake voice, before both of them left the kitchen.

When they were gone, Carlisle folded his arms and Esme looked at me reproachfully.

"What?" I asked trying to sound innocent.

"Well?" Esme questioned.

"I've tried, she won't answer the phone to me," I replied.

"Now what?" Carlisle asked, in a hope that I had some sort of back up plan.

I didn't.

"Now what nothing," I said flatly. "She took off and I have no idea where she's gone."

Well that was a lie. I had a pretty good idea of where she went but I couldn't face going there at the moment. If I saw _him_ any time soon I'd want to kill the cunt. He might have buffed up but I couldn't really give a fuck to be honest. I was still crazier, meaning I'd rip his head off without battering an eyelid given half the chance.

Even though I knew that most of our problems were my fault, it was partly his that our marriage was in such a mess to begin with. Yet, she still goes there for comfort, even after she told me he made a move on her. Thanks honey.

"Edward?" Esme tapped me.

"Sorry."

"What's going on?" she asked seriously.

"I already told you," I replied confused. "At therapy this morning I said..."

"We're not talking about this morning, Edward," Carlisle interrupted me. "We are talking about what's been going on with you and Bella as a whole."

"We refuse to sit back and let you hurt that poor girl anymore than you have already," Esme added. "Now what is going on?"

I fucked up, that's what's going on. I fucked up badly.

"I made a mistake," I croaked. "And I'm just...trying to deal with it the best way I know how."

"What kind of mistake?" Carlisle narrowed his eyes.

I shook my head at my stupidity. "Something that I thought was happening...wasn't. I reacted in a way that I shouldn't have."

"What does that mean?" Esme asked.

"It means...what it means," I replied dumbly. "Look I'm sorry ok? I just don't feel comfortable talking about this with you."

"Or your wife it seems," Carlisle commented.

I rolled my eyes once more but didn't say anything else.

"Ok, fine," Esme conceded. "But I'm warning you Edward, to think long and hard about whatever it is that you are doing, because this can't go on any longer. I understand that this is hard for you both, but you seem to be the only one with answers. It's destroying both you and Bella, and I'm not sure how much more either of you can take.

They gave me one more disappointed look, and then left the room.

Esme was right. I certainly didn't know how much more I could take that was for sure.

I wanted to make this whole situation better, but I was also being selfish. I had to wait till the time was right to tell Bella the truth; or should I say when I was completely prepared to lose her for good, which I was sure I would.

I loved Bella with every fibre of my being, and I feel sick to my stomach when I think about how I've treated her for the past year, but it was like I needed her to be angry at me so that I could feel better about myself.

See. Selfish.

Every time things got slightly better between us I fucked it up again on purpose, purely because I didn't deserve her love, or kindness and affection. Not when I couldn't face telling her just yet what I had done.

It was a fucked up way of living, but I was prepared to take a Bella who was slowly beginning to hate me, than not have one at all.

I knew it had to end sooner or later.

I am so fucked up.

****

I went back home a few hours later and found that Bella still wasn't there. I sat in the living room praying that she would come home tonight. I tried calling her cell another five times only to be disconnected again and again.

She had only stayed out overnight a few times since we were married, usually after a heated argument. But this morning was different. It wasn't an argument per se, more like an exchange of cruel words. It was the first time she had looked at me with that amount of pain in her eyes since I'd known her. And after everything that was going on between us lately that was going some. I only said what I said this morning because I'm a spoilt brat that doesn't like to lose arguments no matter how much in the wrong I am.

I didn't believe that she would stay at Jake's if that was where she was today. She had plenty of options, Jasper and Alice's house for one. That was where she usually ended up when she spent the night away from me. They, like Emmett and Rosalie, had taken Bella's side through this whole thing, not that they would admit to it. But it was obvious.

I waited and waited.

I waited some more and looked at the clock which read 12.17am, and was just about to give up hope when I heard the front door open.

She had come home after what had happened this morning.

Now I feel even more like shit.

I stood up from the couch and waited for her to appear. When she did, it was clear she was surprised to see me just standing here.

"Hi," I didn't know what else to say.

She just stared at me.

"I was worried about you," I said truthfully.

She scoffed as though that wasn't possible. "Oh please, spare me."

That hurt.

"I'm sorry I kept calling you I just...wanted to explain what happened this morning," I told her. "That and I wanted to know you were safe."

"What is this, Edward?" she asked me flatly.

"What?" I questioned innocently. I _was_ worried about her.

"This doting husband crap?!" she fumed. "It doesn't suit you, not anymore!"

That hurt too. I used to be the doting husband before our relationship hit the skids and I desperately wanted to be again.

"Bella..."

"This isn't working!" she cried in complete frustration.

Please no.

I walked over to her and was ecstatic when she didn't move away. "We can save this, I know we can."

Her anger seemed to fade and be replaced with what looked like regret. "I can't keep doing this Edward, surely you can understand that?"

"Of course I do," I did completely. "But...remember what the shrink said, about how it's not going to be easy, that the sessions can be painful at times, but the main thing is that we find a way to be honest with each another."

God I was a fucking hypocrite too.

But still I carried on. "It's the only way we can fix this. And Bella, I have to fix this, because I really don't know how I could live without you."

She rolled her eyes. "You've been doing fine this past year."

Yep. I walked straight into that one.

"Fine, but even you have to admit that we've been talking a lot more recently. I've even been finishing work earlier so that we can spend more time together," I pointed out.

"Not because you wanted to if your comment this morning was anything to go by," she said icily.

"Bella," I said shaking my head. "I didn't mean it...the way it sounded."

"How else could you mean it?"

"I've been running away from our problems...not you. Never you."

It was true what I had just told her. In some fucked up way. I never wanted to be away from her, I just did it as a way of punishing myself for what I'd done.

"Edward, what is it that you want from me?" She sounded so tired.

"I just want us...to keep going to therapy. I really think that it's working." She didn't seem convinced. "Just once more then, next week. If after that you still think its pointless then..." I trailed off dreading where my train of thought was going; I didn't even want to think about it.

"Then...what?" she asked shakily.

Damn.

"Then I will do whatever you want."

I watched as she thought about lord knows what and then nod at me.

"Fine," she agreed. "But you fuck up this time Edward, I swear..."

"I won't."

Forgive me Bella. I will tell you...eventually.

****


	5. Session Two

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

Couples Therapy

Session Two

****

**Bella's Point of View.**

Edward and I both went to the next therapy session after agreeing that we didn't want to give up just yet, no matter how hopeless it seemed. He seemed so genuine when he asked me last Saturday night, or rather early Sunday morning, to keep going to our sessions. He seemed so... desperate. Edward really made me believe that our marriage was important to him.

And I was stupid enough to have fallen for it.

This week, we quickly went back to the way things were in reality, him being a complete an utter prick, and me being bitchy and sarcastic.

Our therapist Karen was pleasantly surprised to see that we went back so soon, especially after the last one ended the Saturday before. It was only when we got there, and found out that the topic for the day was going to be our physical relationship, did I wish I hadn't bothered.

Great. How did you talk about an aspect of your life that was none existent? This should be interesting.

"It goes without saying that the problems you're experiencing will ultimately affect your sex life also," Karen told us.

"What fucking sex life?" Edward laughed maliciously.

"Are you honestly going to sit there and blame the fact that we haven't so much as touched each other in months on me?!" I asked hotly.

Edward had an undecipherable smirk on his face. "You know what? I'm to blame for everything else that goes wrong, so why don't we just blame me for this too?"

"You know I hear that a couple's chances of having sex are dramatically increased if they're in a room together for longer than five minutes," I pointed out snottily. I noticed Edward clenching his jaw and keep looking straight ahead. "What, you're not going to talk now?"

"Is there any point?!"

"Wow, you're a hero," I spat.

"Ok," Karen held up a hand. "Why don't you tell me about the last time you were intimate with each other?"

Brilliant. Chew down on that big boy.

"Yeah Edward, why don't we?" I said folding my arms across my chest.

It wasn't going to make me look good, but, it was going to make him look so much worse.

Edward shifted awkwardly and cleared his throat. "I'm not sure I'm...entirely comfortable with talking about this."

_Tough_. "He fell asleep." I leant forward and plastered a fake smile on my face for added effect. "Whilst he was still inside of me."

I leant back into my seat and saw out of the corner of my eye, Edward gripping the side of his chair arm.

His knuckles went even whiter if that was possible. He slowly turned and stared at me callously. "You knew that I had worked a thirteen hour shift. I was exhausted and pleaded with you the next morning, not to take it personally!"

"How could I not take it personally?!" I asked in disbelief. "I told you that I wasn't in the mood in the first place and you insisted on it. We only did it because you thought it was what was expected of us."

"What do you mean, expected of you?" Karen enquired.

"It was our anniversary," I replied.

"I see," she said and wrote something down.

I laughed at the stupidity of what had happened and looked at Edward. "You know, you didn't see our anniversary as an important enough reason for you to take a day off work to spend with me, yet you saw the need for us to have sex, when it was clear that neither of us wanted it."

"That's not true," he tried to argue. "I wanted you. It had been so goddamned long since we'd...been together, and all I was trying to do was to make you feel special and wanted, to feel close to you again."

"Edward!" I raised my voice loosing all patience. "You. Fell. Asleep. On top of me! You failed in your quest to make me feel special and wanted. You failed fucking miserably."

"I said I was sorry like a thousand times!" he too raising his voice.

I shook my head and said nothing back, trying desperately to calm myself down. My mind went back to three months ago, when what we now refer to as 'the incident' happened. It was probably one of the most humiliating experiences in my life, and I'm like the clumsiest person on the planet. On reflection, I think it was also the final straw.

Our shrink was going to love this.

3 Months ago

_The clock on my bedside table read 10.13pm, and I was in bed alone. Again. Only this time instead of being pissed off, I was absolutely fucking super pissed off. It was our fourth wedding anniversary and I had only just heard my husband, who had been at work since 8.00am this morning, walk through the front door. _

_All week he had been coming home at around 7.00pm, which was still late I guess, but better than the usual hour he'd stroll in on most days. Then, today of all days, he had to go and be the super insensitive prick that he'd been accustomed to being most of the past year. I turned the light off and lay on my side, my back to where Edward would be laying soon. I heard him enter the bedroom and I closed my eyes immediately feigning sleep. He didn't turn on the lights, believing my little show. He undressed in the dark, the only light in the room coming from the bedroom window, and climbed into bed behind me. I didn't want to argue with him tonight. I was severely pissed with him, but, it was like smashing my head against a brick wall when I tried to talk to with him about it. I really was beginning to feel as though I had no energy anymore to fight with him._

_Then something strange happened. _

_Usually when Edward got into bed after a day at work, he would be flat on his back and sleeping like a baby within minutes. Tonight, I felt him lean up on his elbow behind me, and press a kiss to my bare shoulder. It wasn't long before I felt his fingers tenderly move the strands of hair aside that had fallen onto my face. "Baby, are you awake?" he whispered._

_His angel like voice always made me crumble and tonight was no different, no matter how mad I was with him. It was the first time he'd spoken with such affection in his tone for months, and I'd missed it so much that I wasn't ready for it to go away just yet. _

_I felt so damn weak. "Not quite."_

"_Happy anniversary," he spoke softly, before yawning quickly. I didn't reply, even when he started _

_rubbing his hand up and down my arm. "Honey, I am so sorry about today."_

"_Edward, leave it," I begged. "It...It doesn't even matter."_

"_I tried everything I could to get out early today," he said still rubbing my arm. "There was this big conference thing and my boss said I needed to be there, that the experience would be imperative to my growth as part of the team. It ran a little longer than I thought."_

_I still didn't say anything._

"_Why didn't you open your present," he asked softly. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness in the room and saw on the dresser, the present that he had left for me this morning, still unopened._

"_I didn't want it."_

"_Why not?" he asked confused._

_"I only wanted you," I told him truthfully. Why did he not understand that?_

_His arm slowly crept up to the top of the blanket that was just above my chest, shielding the flimsy silk nightgown I had worn in a hope of surprising him. "You have me," he whispered huskily, before he started pulling it away. My arm was trapping it making it difficult for him to completely take it away from me. He eventually gave up and took my arm away instead, bringing it in between us. After pulling the blanket down, his hand went straight for my breast, and that's when I felt him lean further over me and begin trailing kisses up my neck._

_It was when I felt his growing erection prodding against my backside, that I flinched and took his hand away from my breast. "Edward, stop."_

"_Why?" he whispered, but didn't pull away. "It's our anniversary, Bella."_

"_I just can't do this with you right now."_

"_Bella..."_

_I sighed and turned onto my back so I could see him better. The light from the moon shining through our window was enough for me to make out everyone of his features. "You know how I feel when it comes to this part of our relationship; it's really hard for me to be with you like that unless I feel close to you."_

_He smiled at me as if I was crazy, and then leaned in towards my lips. "Just imagine how close you're going to feel to me when I'm in you." He pressed his lips tenderly against mine, and it wasn't long before I felt his tongue trying to invade my mouth. I responded for a few moments but then pushed him away gently._

"_Edward..."_

"_What?" he asked sounding a little impatient. "Bella please, we haven't made love in months, we need this."_

_I am officially the most stupid person on the planet. When he leaned in to kiss me again, I didn't push him away. I accepted him, and his pathetic reason for doing it. It had simply just been too_ _long. I opened my legs for him to climb in between and gripped his shoulders. His lips never left mine as he lined himself up to my entrance. I felt his fingers glide up and down me for a bit, tying to spread around what little moist there was. What a contrast to the very beginning of our marriage, when all he had to do was look at me to get me wet. I was in the middle of desperately trying to become turned on when I felt him awkwardly push himself inside me, an action which usually made me sigh out in bliss, made me sigh out slightly in pain. Edward would generally slide in with ease, only this time it was obvious how difficult it was for me to become aroused by him lately. _

_His lips left mine and he buried his face into my neck, clearly not interested in looking at me as he slowly began pushing in and out. I couldn't help but tense up as he continued to thrust lazily into me, which was making this whole process very uncomfortable for me. Edward wasn't exactly average in that department but bigger, so he always use to make sure that I was aroused before I would even attempt to take him, only this time, he didn't even seem to care about that. Wait. Did I really just refer to this as a process?! Is that what our sex life has become? This was completely fucked up. _

_I was just about to voice my disgust and get him to stop when I realised, that he already had. He was still inside me but was no longer moving. "Edward," I said quietly._

_There was no answer and he didn't make any movement either. The only thing that let me know he was still alive was his heartbeat and steady breathing. _

"_Edward," I repeated more firmly. _

_Still nothing._

_I grabbed his hair tightly and pulled his head up so that I could see his face. His eyes were closed and his mouth slightly open. I suddenly felt sick. _

_He had fallen asleep._

_I forcefully yanked his head backwards, hard enough for clumps of hair to come out in my hand. His eyes eventually fluttered open and he looked at me as if I'd turned green._

"_What?" he asked disorientated._

_I let go of his head and pushed at his shoulders with all the strength I had. "Get off of me!"_

_He looked down and saw that he was sill joined with me. Finally realising what had happened; he pulled out of me and fell back onto his arms. I frantically climbed out of bed and grabbed my silk robe from a nearby chair, then saw him looking at me worriedly._

"_Bella..."_

"_No!" I spat hotly, desperately trying to tie my robe. "God, you make me feel sick, do you know that?!" He reached out to me but I stepped further away from him. _

"_Bella, I am so sorry."_

"_Don't!" I said fiercely. "I don't want to hear that word come from your mouth ever again, you got me?!"_

_I saw him pull back the covers and get out of bed. I thought he was going to just storm out, but he went and switched on the main light in our bedroom. I scoffed when light lit the room and I saw him standing in front of me stark bollock naked. Quickly turning around to the window, I shut the curtains rapidly then turned back to face him. "Will you please put some goddamned pants on?!" _

_He huffed but obliged my request. He walked into his closet and pulled on some jeans, then started to approach me._

_I held up a hand. "Don't come near me or I swear to god, I will scratch your fucking eyes out!"_

_He stopped and grimaced. "Aren't we going to at least talk about this?"_

_I stared at him incredulously and pointed to the bed. "You actually want to talk to me about what just happened there?!" He slowly glanced at the bed then back at me. He said nothing. "I didn't think so."_

****

"I wanted to give up there and then," I said truthfully. "I was so close to doing so, but I didn't have anything left in me that night."

"Then what happened?" Karen enquired.

"Things didn't change, not that I expected them to. Edward and I more a less stopped talking to each other all together. And that's how the past few months have remained, well, until we started coming here that is."

"And what made you come here?" Karen asked.

"Edward's parents knew that we were having trouble, and they suggested this as a...last resort kind of thing."

"Why did you agree to it?" Karen asked.

I shrugged. "I wanted to see if there was anything left for us to save."

Karen smiled. "Do you think there is?"

I glanced at Edward and he looked at me expectantly, his eyes boring into mine. My mouth suddenly went dry and my heart started to beat faster than usual. I couldn't maintain eye contact with him any longer.

I had to be honest with him and more importantly, myself.

I licked my lips in preparation for my answer, knowing it would break my heart.

"No," I admitted sadly. "I don't think there is."

I saw Edward close his eyes in what looked to be anguish, and put a hand to his head. But what I didn't understand was why? It was as if he'd gone out of his way to push me away this past year, so he couldn't be upset at the prospect of loosing me. Could he?

****

The ride home was excruciating, neither of us saying a word to each other the entire journey home. The session we'd just been to, had made things worse just like I thought it would. Sure we were being honest but was any of it really worth it? Nothing was improving between us, not even the slightest bit.

I still loved Edward more than anything in my world. But I couldn't do this any longer.

When we finally got into the house that we'd called home for the past four years, I cringed slightly, terrified of what I was about to do.

I entered the living room with Edward following me in complete silence, and put my bag down on a nearby table. I slowly walked over to the nearest window and looked out on the woods we lived near. I took a deep breath and turned around to face my husband of four years and three months.

He was stood scarily still, as if he was expecting something.

I mustered all the courage I could and looked him square in the eye, my heart breaking in two, knowing what was coming.

I licked my lips. "I think that one of us...should move out." He said nothing and remained deathly still. "I'm sorry."

His eyes didn't once leave mine.

"I think so too," he spoke hoarsely.

I wondered why he agreed so easily. "You do?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "I mean...I told you that if you gave therapy another chance and it didn't work out, that I would I do anything you wanted me to."

"Right." What else was I suppose to say?

"I'll...move out," he said sounding broken. "I'll go pack my stuff up now."

You won't even fight for me! You bastard.

"Fine," I croaked.

"Bella," Edward finally moved and came closer to me. "What happens now?"

The tears were beginning to form in my eyes at fast pace.

I shrugged and wiped away a few tears. "I think it's over, Edward."

I watched as my husband's eyes, for the first time since I'd known him, began to water. "Right..."

Please let this be a nightmare. I know I was the one doing this, but was my marriage really ending? I couldn't stand it any longer and had to get out of there.

"Will you excuse me?" I asked him sadly, my voice breaking completely. I didn't wait for any response, just walked past him in desperate need of some air.

"I saw you."

I stopped when I heard Edward speak softly. I turned around in confusion and saw him still facing away from me. "Sorry?"

He faced me and looked scared to death. "I said I saw you."

"Saw what?" I asked, having no idea what he was talking about.

He took a few steps toward me and swallowed nervously. "I saw you and Jake. You know, at you dad's party."

Huh?

"I knew all along," he said to me in a strangled voice. "Only I didn't stick around long enough to see you push him away."

My eyes widened at his confession. He knew all that time and didn't even talk to me about it. He had clearly put two and two together and came up with five.

He thought I was having an affair.

What the fuck?!


	6. Craziness

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

_**Thank you to all of you for your wonderful reviews. **_

_**I'm glad that most of you like the story and its content but for those of you who don't, I'm truly sorry but I will never be able to please everyone, as much as I'd like to. But thank you for giving it a shot nether the less.**_

Couples Therapy

Craziness

****

**Bella's Point of View.**

I couldn't believe this. Edward thought that I was having an affair. What a cheek! If only he knew just how often I wondered the same thing about him. Even if I was, which I never have and never would, at least I'd have grounds.

But if he saw Jake and I, in what he clearly thought was a passionate embrace at the party, why didn't he confront me?

"Why didn't you tell me that you saw us that night?" I asked him.

"Why didn't you tell me that he kissed you?" he shot back.

"I did tell you!"

"Yeah," he snorted. "Three months after it happened, Bella!"

"But I did tell you! Fine, ok it was wrong of me to keep it in for as long as I did but god Edward, we were barely spending any time together as it was and I didn't want to ruin what time we did have together with telling you about something that didn't even mean anything!"

"If it didn't mean anything, then why did you feel the need to tell me about it in the first place?!

I let out a breath and closed my eyes. "Because I didn't want to lose the only thing that I thought we had left...the ability to be honest with each other." I opened my eyes to see him trembling slightly. "It was so difficult to be away from you all the time, but I trusted you when you said that the time apart and the long hours would be all worth it in the end. I supported you because I knew how much your career meant to you. I didn't want to worry you with something that was irrelevant to us." I saw him slump down on the couch as I continued. "But things were starting to get worse between us, Edward. And as well as the honesty thing, maybe I needed to see if I could get a reaction out of you...to see if I mattered to you at all.

"You thought you didn't matter to me anymore?" he asked incrediously.

"Well if I did, you certainly never showed it!"

"Because I thought you were screwing around!"

"Well I wasn't!" I shouted getting really pissed of now.

"I know!" he yelled putting his head in his hands. "I know," he repeated quietly.

"So all of this," I said referring to our fucked up situation. "Us being miserable and our marriage going down the toilet is all because of a stupid misunderstanding!"

He shook his head slowly and looked up at me. "I wish it was."

"What does that mean?" I watched him rub his temples, clearly distressed. "Edward?"

"I thought that you and Jake were...sleeping together," he said with difficulty. "I was just so angry, I was mad at you...and I wanted to get back at you."

I felt bile rise into my throat. He was going to confirm a fear that I had for the past year I was sure. How could he? But then, he thought I did. He didn't need to come out and say it, I already knew. "Who is she?" I croaked.

He couldn't look at me. "N-n-nobody, just some woman at work...I mean she doesn't even work there...she came over from Boston to give a seminar."

"And she gave you a lot more by the sounds of it," I spat, trying to maintain my dignity. I didn't want to break down and cry in front him. I put a hand to my mouth in order to stop myself from being sick.

Edward stood up and started to walk over to me. I held out my other hand and shook my head vigorously; I didn't want him any closer.

"Bella," he said my name in a whisper. "I didn't sleep with her."

My hand dropped from my mouth. I was now utterly confused. "What?"

"I didn't sleep with her."

I looked into his eyes for any indication that he was lying. I found nothing. "I don't understand."

He held up his thumb and forefinger, and almost touched them together to show minimal space. "I was this close...but I just couldn't do it."

"So nothing happened?" I asked hopefully.

His face looked guilty again and apologetic. "Some stuff...happened."

"What stuff?" I started feeling queasy again. I hated this but I had to know.

"Just...kissing mostly."

"Mostly?" I needed him to elaborate.

"Bella..."

"I have to know Edward, no matter how much it kills me. I have to know."

He was silent for a while as if he was desperately thinking of a polite way to tell me what happened. "She...put her mouth on me a couple of times."

I looked at him in disgust. Great, my husband had had his dick in another woman's mouth. I suddenly realised that I wasn't strong enough to talk about this any longer. I had so many disturbing thoughts going round my head, and I certainly wasn't going to be able to sort through them when Edward was near me.

"I think you should leave now," I whispered. He didn't say anything. "Please Edward I really want you to go."

"You don't think we should talk about this some more?"

"I can't," I shook my head rigidly. "Not right now."

He eventually nodded. "Ok."

He walked past me and went straight upstairs to pack. I was thankful he didn't put up much of a fight.

I suddenly felt light headed, so went over to the couch and sat down. Resisting the urge to scream, I put my head in my hands and leant my elbows on my knees.

Ok so he didn't sleep with her which made me feel better. But he had still been involved in an intimate act with her, an act that was supposed to be something that Edward and I shared together and with no one else.

He still betrayed me.

He hurt me more than I think he realises, and right now I don't care that he thought I was cheating on him, it's not something that I will accept as an excuse. He should've known deep down that I wouldn't have done that to him, and no matter what he saw and how bad it looked, he should've also known that there would be an explanation. And there was.

I still loved him. God I still loved him. And as painful as it is right now, I can't help but be relieved that everything is now out in the open. I don't know what's going to happen, or if I will be able to get past this, but I do know that this changes everything. We stopped being honest with each other for a small amount of time, and our marriage suffered severely because of it.

I don't know if I'm making sense anymore, or what to do about this huge mess that has been created by him and, as much as it pains me to say it, me also.

I have no idea what's going to happen between us now, but I think that this separation is the best way to start.

I just needed some time.

Edward came down the stairs about ten minutes later with two small bags in his hand. I stood up and walked over to him.

He put the bags down for a moment and faced me. "I got all I need for today. I can come get the rest of my stuff when you're not here...if you prefer."

"I think that's best," I agreed.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Bella...I am so sorry."

I looked down not being able to bare his heartbroken face. It was taking everything I had in me not to wrap my arms around him and tell him that we were going to be fine. I couldn't tell him something that I didn't know was true or not.

I didn't even acknowledge his apology. "Listen Edward, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't try to contact me. And whenever you go visit your family, could you see to it that they let me know, so that I can make sure that I'm not there?"

He looked at me completely devastated at my requests. But just what did he expect?

"You got it," he said broken.

He picked his bags up and gazed at me. "I love you, Bella."

My heart began to beat fiercely against my chest. "Goodbye Edward."

He gave me one last heart wrenching look, then left.

I sat back down on the couch and did what I had wanted to do for so long. I burst into tears.

****


	7. Heartbreak Hotel

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

Couples Therapy

Heartbreak Hotel

****

**Edward's Point of View.**

As soon as I left the place that I've called home for the last four year and three months, I headed straight for Carlisle and Esme's. I needed to update them on what a disappointment, and prick, that I'd become. After I told them what had happened, shock wasn't enough to describe how they felt about my actions. They told me that I had acted like a child and that I deserved everything I got. But thankfully, no matter how pissed of they were with me, they told me that I was welcome to stay until Bella and I decided what to do.

"Well?" Carlisle looked at me expectantly.

"Well what?" I asked him.

"What are you and Bella going to do now?" he elaborated.

I shook my head. I didn't have the faintest clue what was going to happen to us now. I wanted to say that things would work out soon enough, but I didn't know that. Bella, in all the time that I had known her, had never looked at me the way she had earlier at home. It was if I were a stranger to her now.

"I have no idea," I said truthfully. "She doesn't even wanna see me right now, or talk to me for that matter."

"That's understandable," Esme spoke for the first time in a while, before shaking her head in disbelief. "I just can't believe that you would do such a thing, Edward."

Neither could I. "Look, I messed things up and I am going to pay for this for the rest of my life which I deserve, I know. But I can't take back what I did, no matter how much I wish I could."

Carlisle looked thoughtful. "And this other woman, what about her?"

"There is no other woman!" I yelled defensively. "She was nothing and she's back in Boston now anyway, she didn't even matter. It's not like we had an affair or anything...we didn't even have sex! I know that technically I still cheated but...a few kisses and a couple of...indiscretions do not qualify as a licentious affair."

I didn't really want to say blowjobs in front of my parents.

"You can't justify this Edward," Esme said flatly.

I threw my hands up in the air in frustration. "I'm not trying too! All I'm trying to do is explain that it could have been anyone ok? That woman wasn't special...I probably would have felt less cheap if I had gone to a hooker!"

They didn't say anything but continued looking at me. I knew what was going on in their heads; it didn't take a genius to figure it out. But they weren't thinking anything that I wasn't already, I didn't want pity, but they had to know that I hated myself right now.

I took some calming breaths. "Look, I know that this is my fault and I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me. The most important person in my whole world is miserable because of me."

They continued to stare at me but I knew I had to get this out.

"I told her to trust me because I loved her so much that I could never hurt her, so she did and I failed her. I begged her to marry me when she was unsure and she did because I promised that I would never let her down, but I did. She gave me everything...and I gave her nothing. So nothing you say will ever be able to make me feel worse. Trust me."

My parents exchanged glances. "And you mean it when you say that this woman is no longer in your life?" Esme asked.

"Not that she was in it to begin with, but no, she is long gone," I told them honestly. "Bella is all I care about. I will do anything to get us back to how we use to be."

"You realise that that may be impossible now?" Carlisle reminded me.

"I know." The only thing that I could hope for was for Bella to let me make this up to her, no matter how long it took.

****

**Bella's Point of View**

I finally stopped crying. Edward had only left a few hours ago and I was missing him already, which is weird seeing as how he was rarely here I know, but actually knowing that he wasn't coming home to me tonight made it all the more worse. I crawled into bed and instantly went to his side, snuggling down and inhaling his scent that had lingered on the pillow. I was exhausted but couldn't sleep. I looked around our bedroom and shivered at how empty it felt to me now.

I was separated.

With that thought my eyes drifted to a photo on the wall. It was of me and Edward on our wedding day, we looked so happy. I couldn't help but think back to that day and the amazing night the followed.

_**Flashback – Four years and three months ago.**_

_The chapel was small but beautiful, our family and closest friends present watching us on the most important day of our lives. _

_I tried my best to hang on every word, but couldn't help sneaking glances toward the man at my side, as the priest continued his speech on love, its existence, and its ability to conquer all. I grinned when I caught Edward looking at me through the corner of his eye, his thoughts so obviously mirroring my own. Was it even accepted to have naughty thoughts while being joined in marriage by a man of god? If it was, then Edward and I were surely damned. _

_The priest looked at me and smiled. "Do you Isabella Swan, take Edward Cullen to be your lawfully wedded husband?"_

_I gazed at the man beside me. "I do."_

_The priest turned to Edward. "Do you Edward Cullen, take Isabella Swan to be your lawfully wedded wife?"_

_Edward smiled at me. "I do."_

_Our eyes remained locked as the priest joined our hands and rested his on top. "May Edward and Isabella find happiness in their union and live faithfully together, performing the vow and covenant that they have made to each other. May they ever remain in sympathy and understanding, that their years be rich in the joys of life. What god has joined together let no one break apart. With the powers invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. "_

_I felt giddy and couldn't hide my happiness. I was now a married woman._

"_Edward," The priest said with a grin. "You may kiss your bride."_

_Edward cupped my cheeks and gently placed his lips onto mine. After a few moments he pulled away and leant his forehead against mine. "I love you," he whispered. _

"_I love you," I replied with a tear in my eye._

_We turned around to the sound of applause and took our first walk together as a married couple._

_The party afterwards was great, but torturous. The reception was being held at the same hotel that Edward and I were spending the night in before going on our honeymoon the following day. Everyone invited to our wedding offering their congratulations was appreciated but tiring. All night Edward and I kept sneaking little glances which all showed our desperation to be alone, and they didn't go unnoticed._

"_Why don't you two just go upstairs now?" Rosalie asked clearly amused at my situation. "It's so obvious."_

"_What's obvious?" I tried to act inconspicuous but failed._

"_You and Edward," Alice laughed. "Eager to get to bed are we?"_

_Apparently it was obvious to everyone. "You guys...are being entirely inappropriate."_

"_Yeah right," Rosalie snickered. "I'm willing to bet not as inappropriate as the thoughts that are currently going on in your head." _

"_We can't just leave," I said. _

"_Why?" Alice questioned._

"_Because it's our wedding reception, don't you think people might notice?" I couldn't believe that they had suggested such a thing._

_Just then my husband again caught my eye from across the hall and sent me a sexy smile. I smiled back and realised that I wasn't going to be able to take much more of this. I needed him. Now. _

_I looked at a nearby clock on the wall which read 9.42pm and made a decision. Fuck the people. It's our party and we can leave it early if we wanted to._

_Edward was in favour of my idea to retire early, and after bidding our guests farewell and telling them to carry on enjoying the rest of the party, Edward and I headed upstairs. It was clear to everyone why we wanted to get out of there so quickly and quite frankly I didn't give a shit. I needed to be with my husband._

_We made it up to our suite and stopped outside the door as Edward frantically tried to find the key card that he had in his tux somewhere, all the while keeping his lips glued to mine. _

_Edward reluctantly broke our kiss and sighed frustratingly, quickly rummaging through his jacket pockets. "I have the fucking thing with me I know I do."_

"_Did you check the back pocket?" I asked breathlessly. _

_Edward stilled then put his hand in the back of his trouser pocket. He pulled out a white card and raised it in his hand. "I fucking love you." He slid the card into the key lock and waited for the light to turn green, before pushing open the door and scooping me up into his arms._

"_God you're romantic," I gushed. He smiled and pressed his lips to mine as he carried me over the threshold, kicking the door closed behind him with his leg._

_He set me down on my feet, grabbed my ass roughly and pulled me into him brusquely, his tongue fiercely prodding around in my mouth. "I want you so bad," he panted as he grinded himself against me, his kisses becoming more and more forceful. _

"_Edward, wait a second," I managed against his lips, which went straight to my neck when I had disturbed them. "Please baby." _

_He stopped this time and looked at me in confusion, his eyes hazed with lust. "What's wrong?"_

"_Listen," I said trying to get my breath back. "I absolutely love it when we fuck..."_

"_So why are we wasting our time talking?" Edward leaned in again but I stopped him. "What?"_

"_This is our wedding night," I said softly. "We can fuck whenever we want, but tonight I really need you to make love to me Edward."_

_He slowly released me and put his hands on his hips. Closing his eyes he took a few deep breaths, before his lids fluttered open. The love in his eyes was unmistakeable. "So you want it nice and slow?"_

"_Yes please," I whispered. _

_He nuzzled my neck. "I'll try my best."_

"_I have a surprise for you."_

_He looked up intrigued. "Do you now?"_

"_Uh-huh."_

"_Is it soft or see through?" he asked wiggling his brows._

"_You'll just have to wait and see," I told him before turning my back to him. I glanced over my shoulder. "Can you unzip me please?" He didn't say anything only smirked, and I soon felt the zip on the back of my wedding gown being lowered slowly. I held the dress to my chest to keep it from falling and turned around. "I'll be right with you."_

"_Don't take too long," he said pleadingly._

_I gave him a lingering kiss before making my way to the bathroom. I closed the door and saw the box that I had placed on the side earlier. Twenty minutes later I glanced in the mirror for the last time, before opening the door and walking back into the bedroom._

_I stood in the bedroom doorway, loving the feel of the white silk nightgown against my skin that I had just put on moments ago, and saw Edward lying on his back on the bed wearing nothing but his boxers. He was staring at the ceiling and hadn't noticed me come in._

"_What do you think?" I asked getting his attention._

_He sat up quickly and stared at me lustfully. God I loved it when he looked at me like that, it was as if I was the only thing that mattered to him in the world and that moment._

_He beckoned me to go over to him with his finger. "Come ere you," he said in his sexiest voice._

_I walked over to where he was sitting on the edge of our ridiculously huge bed not once breaking eye contact and placed my hands on his shoulders. He gripped my hips gently with his hands and continued to gaze up into my eyes._

"_Have I told you how stunning you looked today?" he asked me and started to rub my hips._

"_Once or twice," I replied, my hands creeping up into his hair._

_His hands began to travel up and down my legs, my breath hitching in my throat as he started to caress the back of my thighs._

"_You're beautiful," he whispered. "And I love you so much, Bella."_

"_I love you too, Edward," I replied, my voice thick with emotion. _

_I leaned down and pressed my lips to his. I needed him so much right now, probably more than I needed air at this moment. I felt his tongue start to tenderly invade my mouth, as I let one of my hands trail down his chest, past his abs and onto the hard bulge hidden inside his boxers._

"_Bella," Edward whispered against my lips as he felt me cup him firmly with my hand. _

_I felt his lips leave mine and opened my eyes, the lustful gaze I was receiving from my husband causing me to tingle all over. My husband. That was going to take some getting use to, but I loved the sound of it._

_Edwards hand's crept up my inner thigh. "What are you thinking about?" _

_I kept rubbing him through his boxers. "Just about how lucky I am to be your wife."_

_His hand got higher and was almost touching me where I so desperately needed it. "I'm the lucky one Mrs Cullen."_

_My heart skipped a beat. I loved the sound of that too._

"_Please Edward." I was practically begging._

"_What baby?" he asked teasingly. He always knew exactly what I wanted._

"_Touch me," I replied pleadingly. Edward finally put me out of my misery and put his fingers on me. I gasped softly at the initial contact._

_Edward looked at me almost predatory. "You're soaked already." _

"_Always am when you're around," I said in a whisper._

_Edward slowly stood to his feet and pulled his fingers away fro me. He turned me around so my back was to the bed. "Lie down."_

_I did love it when he took control. My eyes never left his as I eased myself onto the bed and lay down on my back. He observed me hungrily as he pulled down his boxers, his erection springing out towards me. God he had a gorgeous dick. I didn't have anything to compare it to in the flesh, Edward was the only guy that I had been with but I'd seen porno movies. He could be in one if he chose, his shaft being long and thick enough to put any man to shame._

_My legs opened on instinct when he crawled onto the bed to join me and lay down beside me. He propped himself up on his elbow, his __hand gliding in between my legs. "This is what you want?" _

"_Yes," I replied almost incoherently. _

_I bit my bottom lip in order to keep composed as Edward's fingers began to the work their magic on me, stroking each fold with such care and attention that I could have cried from the beauty of it. My breathing got heavier as I felt him begin to push his fingers inside me, and moaned quietly when I felt him press his lips to mine once again._

_Edward's lips were soon on my neck, sucking on my soft skin. "You're so beautiful."_

_I grasped clumps of his hair in my hands, as my legs began to clench around his fingers which were still working tenderly against me. "Edward?"_

_He raised his head. "Yeah?"_

"_I need you inside," I said in a whisper._

_I felt his hands leave me but was only disappointed for a split second at the loss, as he climbed in between my legs._

"_So impatient at times," he grinned._

"_I know what I want."_

"_I love you, Bella Cullen," he said, then started pushing slowly inside me._

My phone started to ring loudly making me jump, disturbing my trip down memory lane. Fuck. Just as I was getting to the good part!

I reached over to the side table and answered it.

"Hello," I greeted, slightly pissed off at the interruption. "No its fine Rosalie. I-I-I wasn't doing anything."

I miss him already.

****


	8. My Own Personal Hell

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

_**AN: **__I apologise for taking so long to update. I write other stories as well as this one and to top it off my laptop broke a while back and was deemed irreparable. I'm lucky enough to have a great fiancé who could tell how lost I was without it so he bought me a brand new one now and now back in business!_

_I hope you enjoy the chapter!_

Couples Therapy

My Own Personal Hell

****

**EPOV**

I tried for hours that night but it was still no use. I couldn't sleep, just like I hadn't been able to for the past three weeks. It had been three weeks since Bella and I had separated and it was the worst three weeks of my life.

Bella still hadn't contacted me.

I knew that my family had been in contact with her, everyone of them apart from Rosalie pitying me enough to at least let me know how she was doing. I don't know whether they were being entirely truthful with me or not. On a number of occasions I had begged them to ask Bella if there was even the slightest possibility of her being ready to speak to me anytime soon, to which they had all told me that they'd forgotten to bring it up, or it simply wasn't the time to.

Rosalie, however, was not as diplomatic. Her response was straight to the point. _"Sure I asked her for you Eddie, and she said that she can't even face the prospect of being within a metre of you without wanting to vomit."_

I knew that Rosalie hated me for how I treated Bella and I completely understood that, but surely she had to know that I was already dying inside without her snidely comments. She even seemed impressed with how Bella was being resolute with her plan of staying away from me.

This was my entire fault which made it like a million times worse, but how many times was I going to be flogged for it, by a member of my own family at that? Even if it was what I deserved.

Every time I closed my eyes all I could think about was how bad I had managed to fuck my life up. My marriage was only just over four years old and already I had caused it to go into complete meltdown. The amount of pain that I now realised I had caused Bella over the past year was making it difficult for me to breathe. I had to make it up to her somehow.

But would she even let me?

I had been completely on edge lately, especially when I heard knocks on the front door. I never wanted to answer it in case some snooty bitch or stuck-up prick asked me to, 'Sign here please. Oh, and consider yourself served.' The thought had crossed my mind that the same snooty bitch or stuck- up prick could also turn up to my office should Bella have requested it. Not that I'd give a shit how it looked. My career was at a low point seeing as how I didn't have enough concentration lately to be able to draw a stickman, let alone design a building.

Divorce.

The word made me shudder in fear. I couldn't bear it if that was the way she decided to go, and it pained me to know that she would have every right to take that route after what I did to her.

I sighed in defeat and sat up knowing that another sleepless night was on the cards. There was no point in trying; I wasn't going to visit the land of nod anytime soon. I pulled the covers aside, swung my legs over the bed edge and flicked on the lamp by my bed. Leaning on my hands my gaze fell to the floor as I took a few deep breaths. I looked up and took in the surroundings of the room that I had grown up in; it wasn't familiar to me anymore. It was my own personal heaven when I was at school, but all its purpose was now, was to contain me while I was going through my own personal hell.

Carlisle and Esme told me before I moved out that I would always have a home wherever they were should I ever need one which was good to know, and I felt lucky to have such fantastic parents. The problem was this could never be my home anymore.

This wasn't my bedroom.

This wasn't my home.

My home would only ever be with _her_. My wife. My Bella.

I couldn't get her out of my mind or just how badly I had fucked things up either. Why couldn't I have just confronted her the night I had saw her and Jake? Then all of this could have been prevented and we would have just gone back to arguing about my shifts at work.

"Because that would have been the grown up thing to do you dumb fuck!" I spat to myself bitterly. Shaking my head I finally stood up and sluggishly made my way downstairs.

I walked into the kitchen not bothering with the light, the full moon outside giving off plenty, and headed straight towards the cupboard where I knew the spirits were kept. I took out a bottle that had already been opened along with a glass.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" a voice asked making me jump.

I turned around and saw Carlisle sat at the kitchen table looking at me with concern.

I swallowed hard and took a few moments to allow my heart rate to get back to normal. "It's not polite to sneak up on people," I said blatantly ignoring his question.

"You walked straight past me Edward, your brain is clearly somewhere else," he said folding his arms. "I've been down here for a while."

I slowly unscrewed the cap on the bottle of whiskey. "Well I know why I can't sleep. Where's your stress?"

Carlisle stood up and slowly approached me. "I'm worried about my son."

I snorted then poured some whiskey into the glass. "I'm not sure I'm deserving of worry or concern, no matter how much it's appreciated."

Carlisle sighed as he watched me shoot down the whiskey in one go. "How about I give you something to help you sleep?" he asked, the doctor in him shining through.

"I think I'm supposed to suffer," I replied, and then poured another drink.

"You're not going to find the answer to your problems in the bottom of that bottle, Edward."

I rolled my eyes. "Look, this isn't a regular thing. I haven't had one in days so just cut me some slack okay? You know I don't do the sleeping pill thing, they make me feel like shit for the whole day afterwards."

"And a hangover is so much better?"

I quickly drank what was in the glass and then put it on the counter before raising my hands in the air. "Fine, you win. I'll go back to bed like a good little boy."

Carlisle didn't think much to my sarcasm and grabbed the bottle from the side of me. He screwed the cap on then put the whiskey back into the cupboard, before coming to stand in front of me once again. He put his hands in his robe pockets and looked me in the eye but said nothing. I stared back at him before quickly realising that he was waiting for me to say something. Anything.

I was expecting it to be honest. I'd more a less shut myself out from the world the past few weeks. I went to work, came back to Carlisle and Esme's, and then spent the remainder of the day and night holed up in my old room. I didn't eat much, I was on more of a liquid diet and I certainly didn't sleep. I knew that I looked like complete and utter shit, but that was exactly how I felt. And what I deserved.

I looked to the floor not being able to take his stare any longer. Shaking my head, I soon laughed sardonically at the current state of my life.

"Edward?" Carlisle said concerned.

I raised my head and sighed. "I have absolutely no idea...how to live without her."

"That's apparent to everyone," Carlisle commented. "Just what do you plan on doing about it?"

"What can I do?" I replied sourly. "You know she won't even talk to me and it's been three weeks."

"May I suggest that you go and see her yourself, instead of getting daily reports from your family?"

Yeah that would go down really well. I had no idea why he had said that to me, she made it pretty clear that she didn't want to be anywhere near me and they all knew that.

"She said herself that she doesn't want to see me," I reminded him. "I can't just go over there."

Carlisle's brows furrowed. "Why not?"

"I just told you."

"So then fight for her Edward! You made this mess so you should be the one to fix it!"

"I know that," I said between gritted teeth. "But what am I supposed to do, just ignore her wishes?"

"Yes," Carlisle replied, I stared at him like he was crazy. "That is exactly what you are supposed to do, in this case. It's been three weeks Edward and everyday that you go without seeing that girl, you deteriorate just that little bit more. You said yourself that you can't live without her and I agree that you're not living. You simply exist. This can't on for much longer. "

He made it sound so damn easy when in reality it was everything but. "What if I go over there tomorrow and she slams the door in my face? What then?"

"Then you go over there again the next day."

I ran my hand through my hair as thoughts flew through my brain at a mile a minute. It wasn't that I hadn't already thought about going to see her, I thought about it nearly every minute of everyday, I was just terrified of making things worse between us than they already were.

Was that even possible?

"I don't know what to say to her," I croaked.

"I'm sure that when you see her, it will come to you," Carlisle tried to assure me. "May I also suggest that you clean yourself up a little for when you go and see her? It might help things if you look a bit more presentable."

I just nodded. It was the middle of the night so I wasn't going to look all that hot, but he was referring to the stubble on my face that I had let grow over the past few days. I only bothered to shave when the hairs became softer, it was another pattern that had formed ever since I'd left my _real_ home and it irritated Carlisle and Esme to no end.

I rubbed my chin slowly. "Tomorrow?"

Carlisle smiled. "I think that's a good a time as any."

****

**BPOV**

They say that time is a great healer. What a crock of shit!

I woke up on Sunday morning feeling worse than ever. It had been the longest three weeks of my life and everyday was only getting harder and harder.

No matter how much I wanted to deny it, I couldn't.

I missed him.

God, I missed him.

His family had been absolutely fantastic to me since he and I separated, every one of them dropping in on me to make sure that I was doing ok. They were all being so supportive and I appreciated it greatly, but the one person I wanted to see so desperately, was the one person that I had told to stay away.

It was all so confusing. Edward had hurt me more than I ever thought possible. He had betrayed all of the trust that I had in him, and taken advantage of the love that I felt for him. But, I still missed him.

I still wanted him.

I still loved him.

But I wasn't sure if I could forgive him.

I couldn't get the image of him and this...other woman out of my head; it was as if it was firmly implanted in my brain. I kept thinking about what she might have looked like, what she might have spoken like and of course, the intimate things that she did with my husband.

That was the worse part. What she did with _my_ husband.

I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head suddenly in a hope to get rid of the image. It only usually worked for a few seconds but it was worth it. I pulled back the covers and got out of bed after seeing on a clock that it was nearly 9.00am. Carlisle and Esme were due in half an hour, they had took the previous two Sundays to pop in and see me and told me a few days ago that this Sunday would be no different. With that in mind I made my way to the shower and got myself ready for their visit.

****

**RPOV**

I had gone to my parent's house that morning intent on going with them to see Bella. I hadn't dropped in on her for a few days after being busy with work that week and decided to accompany my parents. Imagine my shock when they told me that they wouldn't be going to see her that morning and that Edward had gone instead. To say I was pissed at them would be an understatement. They knew as well as I did that Bella was particularly fragile at the moment and that coming face to face with her cheat of a husband could push her over the edge.

"I can't believe that you would do that to her," I told Carlisle disapprovingly. "It's like an ambush!"

"Your mother and I felt it was an appropriate step to take," Carlisle said calmly.

"For _him_?" I asked venomously. "Or Bella?"

"For both of them," Esme answered. "Rosalie, we know that you think very little of your brother right now and we understand why, but them avoiding each other is not going to help solve their problems."

"She said that she doesn't want to see him right now and you guys setting her up like this is totally disrespectful of her wishes. What if it blows up in your face?"

Carlisle put an arm around Esme. "We fully expect it to, Rosalie. But we believe that we've done the right thing."

"They needed a push," Esme added. "They can't keep going on this way. Both of them are miserable and your father and I refuse to let it continue any longer."

I couldn't believe this. "Your last idea didn't work out too well did it?"

Carlisle cocked his head to the side. "On the contrary, we think it did."

"Are you kidding me?" I asked thinking they were crazy. "Or have you forgotten that couples therapy was what caused this mess to begin with?"

"How do you work that one out?" Esme asked.

"It got them talking to each other!" I replied as if it was obvious.

"Which is exactly what they should have been doing all along," Carlisle said. "Their marriage was falling apart and the only way that they could even have a chance of saving it was if they finally talked honestly to each other, no matter how painful it might have been for them."

I snorted. "Really? Because all I saw it do was expose Edward for what he really is, a liar and a cheat."

"He made a mistake Rosalie," Carlisle said.

"That's a fucking understatement," I snorted.

****

**BPOV**

I had taken a quick shower and had only just finished getting dressed when I heard the doorbell ring. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for what I found when I opened it. I was expecting Carlisle and Esme, but instead, I came face to face with the person my heart had been aching for the past three weeks.

"Edward?" I croaked, my heart thumping inside my chest. "What are you doing here?"

He looked at me for a few moments before clearing his throat, he looked terrible. "I had to see you."

I had to remember to kill Carlisle and Esme for this later. My stomach suddenly felt as if it was in my throat. I had to be strong. "Edward, I thought I made it clear that I didn't want to see you."

"Yeah, I know," he said sadly, sounding completely broken. "It's just...it's been three weeks now, and I thought...I don't what I thought." Edward looked down to the floor, assumingly hoping to buy some time so that he could think of something to say to me. "I miss you," he whispered.

Inside I was jumping for joy, but he had hurt me so much that an 'I miss you' was simply not enough for me to let him know how I still felt about him. It was so unfair. How could he have treated me like he had and still manage to make me go weak at the knees when I saw him?

I snorted. "Give it time, it'll pass."

"No it won't," he said quietly.

I shook my head. "And just what is it that you expect me to do?"

"Talk to me."

"About what?" I fired back.

"Anything," he said desperately. "We can talk about anything you want, just as long as we...talk."

"No."

"Bella, please?"

"Please what?" I asked, noticing that my voice had risen significantly. "What is it that you want?! What, do you want me to act as though nothing happened?! Do you want me to act like you haven't betrayed every promise that we ever made to each other?! "

"No, I just--"

"Because if you do think that then you're living in a fucking fantasy world!"

"Look, I know I messed up," he offered pathetically. "And I swear I'll make it up to you."

"What if I don't want you to make it up to me?"

Edward looked at me clearly troubled by what I had just said.

"What?" he asked in a whisper.

I closed my eyes briefly in order to compose myself. "Have you got any idea what it's like for me to be this close to you right now?"

He fidgeted slightly and looked to the ground. "No."

"It makes me feel sick," I told him flatly. "I have this image of you with this woman in my head and no matter what I do, I can't make it go away. All your presence does is make it worse."

"She meant nothing," Edward stated lamely.

I looked at him like he was dirt. "And yet, she was worth running our marriage. Thanks Edward, that makes me feel so much better."

"Bella, you know that I thought you and Jake--"

"I don't care what you _thought_!" I yelled. "You should have _known_ that I would never have done that to you!" I watched as Edward was stunned into silence. He knew he couldn't really say anything to that and so remained quiet for which I was thankful for. "I want you to go."

"Bella..."

"Please. Just go," I pleaded, before closing the door on him.

I had no idea what to do next.

****

_Please leave a review and tell me what you think, I take all of your thoughts on board and appreciate them all._


	9. I Can Be Annoying You Know?

Couples Therapy.

I Can Be Annoying You Know?

**EPOV**

"Well?" Carlisle looked at me expectantly. "How did it go?"

"How do you think?" my voice strained.

After returning from my very brief chat with Bella nothing had improved, and I simply felt sorrier for myself.

"Did it go as expected?" Carlisle asked. "Better? Worse?"

As I thought about his question I was able to see a positive side to this morning. I had gone to see her against her wishes and whereas it hadn't gone as well as I had hoped, it certainly could have gone a lot worse. She hadn't yelled profanities at me or hit me, which I would have deserved either, so maybe that in itself was a good thing.

"It could've gone worse," I replied honestly.

Carlisle nodded. "Well that's good isn't it?"

"Yeah I guess."

"What happened, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Not much," I shrugged. "She told me I make her feel sick along with some home truths and then she told me to leave. I didn't make it past the doorstep."

"Well you can try again tomorrow," Carlisle said.

"I don't whether that's such a good idea."

"And whys that?"

"She said she needs time."

Carlisle shook his head. "And I told you that you must fight, to which you agreed. This morning was merely an ice breaker. You go back tomorrow and if the result is the same you go back the next day, and the next day, and the day after that to make her understand that you won't give up."

"Carlisle, I know what you're trying to say and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to fix this," I said strongly. "But I also don't want to piss her off anymore than I have already."

"Edward, this situation is very complex and I know that you're scared of making things worse, but really, what do you have to lose?"

"Everything Carlisle," I replied. "Everything."

I sulked in my bedroom for the rest of the day. If lying flat on the bed and staring at the ceiling was a sport, I'd be champion. I'd stayed in the same position for hours ragging my brain in a hope to come up with something that could make this whole mess better. I wasn't getting very far. But then, how were you supposed to make a thing like this better?

Seeing Bella this morning for the first time in three of the longest weeks in my life, had just reiterated how bad I had screwed things up between us. She looked tired, lost and fed up, and knowing I was the cause of that only made me feel worse about things.

Carlisle was right; I had to fight for her.

I had to make her see how important she is to me and always will be to me. The only thing was I had no fucking clue where to start.

**APOV**

It was Sunday which meant dinner at Carlisle and Esme's. I used to love Sunday's. Spending time with the family at dinner and engaging in general chit chat, I was a sucker for it.

But, the last few Sunday's hadn't been all that great. A member of our family was missing from our ritual get together on those occasions, as they were today. What was worse than that was that another member of the family was at fault for her absence. And he knew it too.

I believe that everyone in life makes mistakes.

I also believe that you suffer more when the people whom you love the most do the fucking up. It's hard to take but that's just the way it is.

When someone makes a mistake I think it's fair to say that they usually end up paying for it in some way or another. I'll admit that I'm soft at times, but is it really so alien that I don't believe that said people should continually be punished for the same mistake over and over again?

My sister apparently thinks so.

We were in the kitchen making sure dinner didn't burn while Carlisle and Esme tried coaxing Edward out of his room.

"You know I can't believe you," Rosalie said disapprovingly. "I thought she was your best friend!"

"She is my best friend," I said calmly. "But Edward is still my brother."

I understood why Rosalie was pissed off, so was I when I found out what Edward had done. Seeing the effect his actions had had on Bella was heartbreaking, but ultimately, this was down to Edward and Bella to sort out. The only thing that we could do was be supportive, and that included being there for Edward too.

"You're not the slightest bit pissed at what he's done?" she asked me.

"Of course I am," I replied honestly. "But we can't keep flogging him for it. Rosalie, he knows what he's done and he's paying for it."

"Yeah right," Rosalie folded her arms like a petulant child.

"You know as well as I do that he's miserable."

"But he bought it on himself," she argued.

"I agree."

"So we're just to forget that he's an adulterer?"

Jasper came into the kitchen and reached over for some peanuts that were on the table. "Christ Rosalie, all he did was got his dick sucked a few times because he thought his wife was cheating on him." He threw some peanuts in his mouth and looked very pleased with his own insightfulness. "It wasn't like he had a full on affair."

Rosalie looked at him in disgust. "Who asked you?" Jasper just shrugged and then left the kitchen. "You're fiancé's gross."

"Yeah I know," I sighed. "But I love him anyway."

"I still can't believe you're getting married," she said with a shake of the head.

"Why?"

"Well Bella and Edward haven't made it look like much fun."

"No marriage is perfect Rose," I told her. "Every couple has problems. They're having problems right now and we need to make sure that we're supportive of whatever they decide."

"But Edward-"

"_Whatever_ they decide," I cut her off.

**EPOV**

The following day I went to work feeling livelier than I had in weeks. I had spent the whole day in my old room yesterday not even going downstairs for dinner. I was thinking about everything that was going on in my life, not just between Bella and I, but also work. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that I had let my job interfere with my marriage up to a point that it never should have got to.

I had let it become my life which was the fundamental mistake which led to all of this in the first place.

I was so determined to succeed and become the best architect that I'd totally disregarded my first goal in life; to become the best husband.

My priorities had gotten mixed up along the years and I knew that they had to change if I was going to start piecing my life back together again.

I could easily keep lying to myself and say that our problems started when I saw her and Jake, in what I now know was a one sided kiss, but it would be bullshit. It had started long before that. It had started when I kept working and coming home late, and it continued when I started taking her for granted. It's piss poor when you look back and can't remember the last time you and your wife fell asleep or woke up together, or the last time you took her out for no other reason but to spoil her because of how important she is to you. It's even worse when you forget the last time you made love because you wanted to, not just because of guilt or a sense of duty.

I had woken up today resolutely. I was determined to make Bella know that she is the most important thing in my life, that I had fucked royally up but was worth another shot, regardless of whether she believed me at first or not. One thing was for certain, I would not lose her without a fight.

If Bella was going to believe me the tiniest little bit, I had to act instead of making empty promises. Though I had made them with good intentions, I had rarely stuck to them.

When I told her that the long hours at work to start with would be worth it in the end, I had genuinely believed it, only the hours never got shorter but longer. My job had become a thorn in my side and because of that, the first thing I needed to do was have a chat with my boss.

"Edward, what can I do for you?" he asked as I entered his office, he didn't even look up.

"Mr. Forelli, I really need to speak to you about my hours."

"What about them?" he asked still looking at the drawings in front of him.

"I can't keep working the amount of hours I have, or as late as I have."

He finally looked up and slowly leant back in his chair. "Can't handle the pressure?"

Fuck you. "I can handle the pressure. I just can't handle the affect it's having on my marriage and my wife."

My boss looked as though he was mulling things over in his head. "It would be a shame to see all of your hard work go to waste."

"Sir, I'm simply asking that I be allowed to do the hours that I'm contracted to. Nine to Five. I will be willing to work overtime when it's absolutely imperative, but I have to be honest with you and say that there are more important things in my life than my job."

"I understand Edward; I was like you once myself you know. So hungry and determined for success, that I forgot about the things that were important, namely my ex-wife."

That's just fucking great. Is that what fate had in store for me, an _ex_-wife? "So you understand that my responsibilities lie at home."

"I you're having problems at home Edward, then of course I understand that you need to see to them if you're to be of any use to me here."

"So what? No threats?" I couldn't believe he was being so understanding.

"Edward, you're a far too important prospect for this company, I'd be a fool to give you an ultimatum."

I felt braver. "In that case would I be pushing my luck to ask for some of the vacation time that I'm owed?"

"Well, it is December and the holidays are upon us, so I don't see why not."

"Starting tomorrow?"

He raised his eyebrows. "What's the rush?"

"I have a lot to make up for."

After leaving his office I was surprised that it had gone as smoothly as it had. He had agreed that taking some time off was exactly what I needed, as my work was slowly beginning to decline over the past few weeks. Usually I would have taken it as a huge insult having my work criticised, but strangely enough, I found that I didn't really care that much at the moment.

The only thing that mattered to me right now was Bella, and it was time to start making her see that. No matter how long it took.

I left work that day with a little spring in my step as I walked over the lot to my car. Even though my life was still a complete fucking mess, I had to be able to see the positive side; it was the only way I keep going.

As I took the well-known route, I recognised that this was another part of my marriage that I had taken for granted and was missing dearly, the part where I got home after a long day's work. _Our_ home. I was beginning to notice the little things that had gone missing form our lives when I started working my ass off, before Bella and I separated, the things that had meant so much had started to fade away only I didn't realise it until now. For the first three years that Bella and I were married, the second I got home from work her arms wrapped around me. I missed the instant comfort she gave me after a stressful day. I simply missed coming home to her.

I eventually pulled into the familiar driveway and took a few deep breaths before shutting off the engine. I got out of the car and quickly went to the door where I knocked firmly. I had no idea how this was going to go but I hoped to actually get through the door this time.

There was no answer so I knocked again. Christ it's fucking freezing, but I'm sure that has something to do with the blizzard. Moments later the door opened.

The face was not happy but I didn't expect it to be. "God, not again. What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you."

She shook her head at me. "Yeah, well I don't want to talk to you. So go."

"Fine," I said simply, relieved when she didn't close the door on me. "Then I'll come back tomorrow, and then the next day, and then the day after that and then the day after that."

"Edward-"

"I can be really annoying you know?" I tried to joke.

"Don't you respect anything that I want anymore?" she asked quietly.

I wasn't trying to be clever or sarcastic with my comment before, I was just trying to…I don't know what the fuck I was trying to do. "Bella…please…just let me in so we can talk about things. Come on it's freezing out here."

"Edward, I'm going to make this as clear for you as I can," she said with a fake smile. "If you don't leave right now, I'm going to call my father and have you arrested."

_Fight for her._ "I'm not leaving."

"You're not leaving?" She repeated hotly.

"Bella, and I say this knowing there is a strong possibility I'll piss you off even more but it's not intentional, your father can't arrest me. It's my house too and I'm not doing anything wrong being here."

"So you breaking my heart even more isn't doing anything wrong in your eyes?"

That got me.

I looked into her eyes and saw nothing but sadness there, I hated doing this but I had to show her that there was not a chance on this earth of me giving up on us. The longer you left things, the worse they got. I had given her over three weeks and that had been enough time for her to think surely. If things were going to be sorted out then we had to do it together, no matter how painful it could be.

"I'm sorry but I'm not leaving," I told her as gently as I could. "I'll stay on this porch in the freezing cold all night if I have to, if that's what it takes to get you to talk to me."

She snorted and shook her head at me again. "Enjoy hypothermia," she said snidely before closing the door in my face.

This was going to be a long fucking night.


	10. A Chance Maybe?

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**AN:**_ Wow, it's amazing how many people put this story on their favourite story alerts, and yet I've only got 60 reviews over 9 chapters. Come on you guys, I really want to know what you think. Is my story that bad that you're holding your tongue, or are you just ashamed to admit you like it lol._

_Thanks to those of you who review intermittently and religiously, it makes me feel like I'm not wasting my time and I'm eternally grateful that you are using some of yours to comment. It means the world._

_Hope you enjoy this one._

Couples Therapy

A Chance Maybe?

**BPOV**

After closing the door in Edward's face I went straight back into the living and slumped onto the couch. That guy had some nerve showing up here again when I told him I didn't want to see him. I mean what did he expect from me after the way he'd treated me for the past year? Did he really think that I'd just open my arms and welcome him back? He needed to get his head checked if he did.

I won't lie to myself. I missed him. I missed him like crazy but all he achieved by showing up uninvited was make me more confused about things. I never could concentrate when he was around and I needed more time to get my head straight.

And another thing, if he thought for one second that I was going to fall for his threat of staying out in the cold until I agreed to talk to him, then he was even more mentally retarded than I first thought.

There was no way such a pathetic warning was going to inspire sympathy.

No siree.

I tried my best to get into whatever was on the T.V, desperately trying to refrain from looking towards the door as my curiosity began to build. The blizzard outside showed no signs of letting up and continued to send whistling sounds through the air.

It took all of ten minutes before I got up and slowly walked towards the front door.

I glanced through one of the high windows that were at either side of the door and closed my eyes briefly in disbelief. The crazy fuck was actually sat on the porch moving backwards and forwards in a lame attempt to keep warm.

I don't fucking believe this.

I opened the door angrily and the bitter cold momentarily took my breath away. "What are you, fucking crazy?"

He continued to move back and forth. "I n-n-need to t-t-talk to you." The shivers had clearly set in already.

"Edward, you'll kill yourself," I scolded. "Go home!"

"N-no. This is m-m-my h-h-home."

Wrong answer.

"Fine," I said before shutting the door on him again. There was no way I was giving in to him that easily, he was taking the nature of my heart for granted yet again. The fucking prick.

I went to sit back on the couch, the warmth coming from the open fire much needed after temporarily feeling the cold. Outside the wind was picking up every second and no matter how hard I tried, my mind would not allow me to forget that Edward was out front sitting in it. I know I was acting like a complete bitch but he deserved at least some of it didn't he?

In the end the guilt came through thick and fast. That was always one of my biggest problems. I was too fucking soft all the time.

Another ten minutes later and I was yanking open the front door again. I noticed he was no longer moving forwards and backwards, just hunched over with his arms tucked in shivering madly.

"Get in the fucking house!" I said hatefully. He gave no indication that he'd heard me. "Edward!"

He turned slightly and looked as though he was desperately trying to say something only he couldn't; he couldn't even string two words together. Great. It would seem Hypothermia was starting to kick in.

I stepped closer to him and grabbed the collar of his jacket, pulling it harshly. He tried to stand but to no avail, so in the end he almost crawled through the doorway into the house. If it wasn't for the situation and my anger at present, I might have laughed, he looked truly pitiable. When he was clear he managed to sit himself up against the wall, jumping slightly when I slammed the door closed.

"Are you out of your mind?" I shouted at him hotly, I knew he wouldn't be able to reply just yet but I was pissed off right now. "No really Edward, are you out of your fucking mind?"

"I'm s-s-sorry."

The little shit still knew how to pull at my heartstrings. Damn him. "Can you make it into the living room whilst I go get you a cover?" I asked snottily, I couldn't let him know I was worried out of my mind.

Edward didn't say anything but just nodded slowly, he was still shivering like crazy when I left him to go fetch a blanket from upstairs.

By the time I got back to him he had already made it near the fire. He was sat with his back leant up against one of the armchairs, his hands rubbing the side of his arms as he tried to warm himself up.

I threw the blanket at him harshly and then went to stand by the other side of the fire. There was silence for a few minutes as his body got use to the warmth, and as I desperately tried my best not to look too concerned.

After a while I spoke. "What the hell were you thinking?" He looked up at me as if he was too scared to speak, his silence making me feel even angrier. "Edward?"

"I had to see you ok," he said softly. "It's been the longest three weeks of my life, Bella."

"I told you I wasn't ready to see to you," I said pissed off.

"I know."

"Then why didn't you stay away?"

"Because I couldn't any longer!" he replied in a raised voice. "It's been three fucking weeks and this…not talking to each other isn't solving anything and you know it. Bella, you can't avoid me forever."

"You see that's where you're wrong; I can do whatever the hell I want. You lost the right to have a say in what I do with my life the very second you decided to stick your dick down another woman's throat!" I narrowed my eyes at him. "Anyway, shouldn't you be at work?" I asked bitingly. "After all it is after six, don't you have like another five hours left or something?"

He looked down in shame. "Good one," he muttered sourly.

I sighed heavily. "What do you want from me, Edward?"

He slowly stood up and dropped the blanket to one side. "I want you to talk to me."

"We've said _everything_ we needed to say to each other," I told him dangerously.

"No, we haven't."

"Ok fine," I spat getting very impatient. "Speak."

He ran a hand through his hair; he always did when he was nervous about something. "Bella, I want us to fix this."

"_I_ didn't break anything, Edward," I pointed out icily. "_You_ did this to us, not me."

He put his hands on his hips and sighed heavily. "I know. And I know that you being pissed at me right now is your god given right." He cleared is throat. "Just, please give me a chance to make it up to you."

"Make it up to me?" I repeated in disgust. He had some nerve. "You're making it sound like you forgot our anniversary. Edward, you _cheated_ on me!"

"Bella-"

"And don't you dare try and defend your actions by saying that a getting a blowjob isn't technically cheating, because I swear to god, that'll just make things worse!"

"I wasn't going to say that," he said quietly.

"Yeah right."

"I'm really trying here." His voice sounded broken.

"Try harder."

He took a step closer to me and I took one back, I couldn't handle him being close to me right now. I watched as the hurt flashed across his face at my action, and was pissed off when I realised that it still affected me to see him in pain, no matter how much he had bought it on himself.

His eyes bored into mine. "I don't want to lose you."

I exhaled loudly. "Edward."

"Look, I know that this is all my fault, and I wish I could blame all of what's happening between us on what I did and what I _thought_ I saw between you and Jake, but you know as well as I do that our problems started before any of that."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Which again, was all of your doing."

"I know."

"Is there a point to this?"

We had already established that he'd fucked up what I thought was our perfect life, and I was beginning to get impatient.

He soon answered me. "You asked me earlier if I should still be at work."

"So?"

"I talked to my boss today and told him that I needed some time away from the place. I also told him that I wasn't prepared to work the hours I have been working any longer. "

"Wow," I snorted. "It only took you two years to finally have that little chat with him?"

"I'm trying to put things right."

Fuck you if you think I'm going to make this easy for you.

"Well I hope that my existence didn't have an affect on any decision you made to work less hours, I mean it's not like you should care what I think."

I saw his jaw tense at my comment. "How can you say that?"

"Because I can't remember the last time you did consider me when it came to anything in your life."

"I'm always thinking of you." He said it like he genuinely believed it. What a prick.

"You stopped caring about what I thought a long time ago," I pointed out.

"You know that's not true," he frowned.

"Whatever," I said trying to sound bored. "So you cut back your hours. What do you want a medal?"

I saw him roll his eyes tiredly, and I could tell that it was talking everything that he had not to blow up out of frustration.

"No," he said sharply. I watched as he pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly regretting the tone he had just used. He took a deep breath and met my eyes. "I just wanted you to know I understand now that I was wrong. About everything."

I folded my arms across my chest. "Well, I'm glad you finally realise that. But it doesn't change anything, Edward."

His face again distorted in pain. "What do you think will?"

I could feel tears form in my eyes as I though about the question he just asked. It was something that had been confusing my brain for the last few weeks. Yes, he had broken my trust. Yes, he had virtually destroyed our marriage, but, was it irreparable? I still didn't have the answer and that was the only reason I hadn't yet filed for divorce. It was also the reason I didn't want him around me whilst I was trying to figure it out.

Edward always did cloud my thinking process, even when we happy. It was the just the affect he had on me.

I knew that I still loved him, that was never going to change no matter how much I had wanted it to recently, but I certainly didn't trust him anymore. And because trust was one of, if not, the key to a successful relationship, I really couldn't see how we could make it work.

So I shook my head and gave him the only honest answer I could. "I don't know."

I saw him bite his lip in a few moments of silence. I knew he wanted to ask me something, but it was as if he was afraid to. Finally he spoke. "Do you…do you still…?" he stuttered with his words.

"Do I what?" I asked with annoyance.

He looked me straight in the eye. "Do you still love me?"

Bastard.

I had a choice. I could lie just to see pain like he caused me mar his still gorgeous face or, I could tell the truth and weaken the defences I had put up around me the past few weeks. The truth was that I still loved him like crazy, but he had hurt me so badly that I didn't know whether I'd ever be able to forgive him for it. I certainly didn't want to make him think that love was the only thing that mattered. Whoever came up with that line couldn't have had there heart ripped to shreds.

My good natured self came to the only sensible conclusion it could, as I remembered the wise tag of a movie I saw years ago.

Fear will hold you prisoner. Hope will set you free.

It wasn't going to be easy, but I had to believe that things _could_ get better, no matter how terrified I was right now. It was going to be one hell of a ride. It would take time. It may possibly end in even more tears, but I had to be honest.

Lies and secrets were what got us into this mess to begin with.

I met his gaze and took a deep breath. "Yes, I still love you."

A small smile started tugging at his lips and I heard him his breath hitch. "You do?" he choked.

"I do," I said quietly. "It's not like its something that I can switch off, no matter how much easier that would make things. But I don't know whether I will be able to forgive you for you what you've done. You still need to give me time to figure that out."

"Ok," he nodded furiously. "Ok, I can do that."

I broke eye contact with him. "Maybe you should go now." He didn't say anything but I could still feel his eyes on me. "I think we've talked enough for today."

He finally spoke. "You got it." I heard his footsteps slowly begin to retreat, and I watched as he walked away only to see him stop and look at me once more. "Can I call you tomorrow?" he asked.

I thought about it for a while. "Ok."

He gave me a grateful smile and then finally left.

I had still had no idea what to do. But one thing was for sure, I wasn't ready to end my marriage just yet.

I'm sure that most would think I was nuts and that I should've kicked his ass to the curb as soon as I found out what he did, but something was holding me back. Maybe it would end in divorce eventually, I wasn't sure, but as long as I felt like this, it wasn't the time for rash decisions. I decided there and then that I would have to take each day as it came.

CT

**APOV**

Jasper and I were at Carlisle and Esme's, not ones to refuse late dinner when it was offered to them on a plate. The least we could do was wash up afterwards. Or load the dishwasher.

"So do you think she's killed him yet?" Jasper asked me.

"Of course not," I replied. "She's too much of a good heart."

"Yeah, he sure fucked up."

I looked at him confused. "Weren't you the one who said 'all he did was get his dick sucked,' which by the way I care too much for?"

Jasper just laughed at me. "Honey, I said that to wind Rosalie up. No other reason. I don't condone what he did at all but I just love making Rose mad."

My fiancé was naughty at times. "I should've known."

"Look, Edward's made a mess of things, but you're right when you say they both need our support," he said. "Rosalie just loves to be mad at everyone from time to time, I think she could ease up on him just a tad."

I thought of my sister's recent behaviour. It was understandable but her comments and constant picking on Edward wasn't helping things. It wasn't like I didn't think Edward didn't deserve a rough ride, but I was sure that Bella would take care of that. I also didn't want things to be awkward should Bella decide to stay with Edward and give him another chance, a decision that if she took I'm sure Rosalie would have something to say about.

My family adored Bella, and was thrilled when she married my brother, but we had to come to terms with the fact that she could end it between them if she couldn't find a way pass my brother's betrayal.

Edward sure was an idiot at times. This was clearly the biggest mistake of his life.

The man in question just walked into the kitchen and looked visibly happier than he had in weeks.

"How did it go?" I asked quickly.

"Better than I expected," he answered.

Jasper dried his hands with a towel. "Well, what happened? Don't leave us in suspense."

"I don't really wanna say," he said quietly.

"Why not?" I asked.

"If Bella wants to say, she will in her own time." Edward shrugged. "I guess I just don't wanna tempt fate."

"But things were better?" I checked.

"It was a step in the right direction," he said coyly.

Jasper looked satisfied with my brother's reply. "Well, she didn't kill you. That's a start right?"

"R-i-ght," Edward nodded, though it looked as if he was hiding something.

Did that lame ass answer mean she could have killed him had she had half a chance? Nah, Bella would never be able to see him suffer in such a way, no matter how much he may have deserved it right now. And he did just say that the things were getting a bit better.

Finally.

CT

_I do apologise for the chapters being so short, it's the only way at the moment that I can update regularly. I really hope you bear with me, and thank you for being so patient._


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